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What's the deal with your nickname? How did you get it? If your nickname is self-explanatory, then tell everyone when you first started using the internet, and what was the first thing that made you say "wow, this isn't just a place for freaks after all?" Was it a website? Was it an email from a long-lost friend? Go on, spill it.

So... Dogwelder.
What the hell is a dogwelder?
Actually, it's not a "what"- it's a "who."
DC comics had a comic book called Hitman that was unlike most comic books. For one thing, the title character threw up on Batman's boots- you don't see that every day.
The writer loved to make fun of superheroes. One night, he and his buddies sat around trying to come up with the worst superhero possible. The winner was Dogwelder- a hero who stops villains by welding puppies to their faces.
How could I not use that?