Dave, it's your Father

January 9, 2012 11:26 AM

All of the "voicemails" on this site are reenactments and reinterpretations of [my father's] calls including actual subjects and topics broached in his recorded messages and wholly fictional scenarios that would fall squarely in his wheelhouse. Enjoy.
Topics include being on the lookout for a package, trying to find hidden goods, and spousal abuse.
posted by secretdark (13 comments total)

In a way it's funny, but sad as well.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:49 AM on January 9, 2012

I listened to "lookout for a package", was embarrassed for the guy, wondered when it was going to get funny.

Then I thought, ah heck, let's give it another chance and listened to "spousal abuse" (because it just sounded like fun!)...

I think Sh*t my Father says has been done before, and better...(although, even that got old after a while).
posted by HuronBob at 11:51 AM on January 9, 2012

I cannot help but be reminded of one of my favorite moments on MetaFilter, learning of the greatest phone message in the world.
posted by knile at 11:51 AM on January 9, 2012

That's the first thing I though of, knile. These are oddly funny though, especially the "don't tell your mother I called" at the end of each one.
posted by littlerobothead at 11:55 AM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

My father never called me once. Not in my entire life.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 12:54 PM on January 9, 2012 [3 favorites]

What I hear is how much this man loves his son, how real and present his son is to him. I'm with ethnomethodologist; I don't know what that feels like.
posted by Anitanola at 1:01 PM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

I been trying to rent a father for a while, toss the pigskin, teach me the facts of life. There are no father rental services out there, do I smell a business opportunity?
posted by Ad hominem at 1:11 PM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

These sound like the voice mails my mother leaves me. My dad doesn't actually use the telephone unless forced to do so.

The package one cracked me up, because I can totally see my mother sending me a shoeshine kit for no earthly reason off QVC.

Now I want to randomly send someone a shoeshine kit.
posted by winna at 1:41 PM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

"I been trying to rent a father for a while, toss the pigskin, teach me the facts of life. There are no father rental services out there, do I smell a business opportunity?"

I think Papa Entropone is who you're looking for
posted by Blasdelb at 2:47 PM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

My father never called me once. Not in my entire life

Mine calls at odd hours when he should really know I'm not going to be available and leaves voicemails. There's a 3-hour time difference, but he called at 11:30 today. The only 3 scenarios including the possibility he forgot about the time difference altogether are 8:30am, 11:30am, or 2:30pm. I've never had a job where I'd be home at these times. I have no idea why he does this.
posted by Hoopo at 4:14 PM on January 9, 2012 [1 favorite]

My office mate at work is a great dad, imo. He calls his kids once in a while, but he's always available for them, and they actually do call him when they have problems. And then he helps them out with advice, money, or he flies down east and holds their hands in times of need.

He can be a difficult guy to work with sometimes, but I admire his commitment to his kids' wellbeing. I just wanted to point out that there are people out there like that, because my dad never called me much either.
posted by sneebler at 5:29 PM on January 9, 2012 [2 favorites]

My dad is still alive but did a number of things to tear up his fatherhood card. My step-dad was a much better father! Thank God my mother got the Hell out and married him!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:00 PM on January 9, 2012

I talk to my parents about 2-3 times a week and they often leave guilt inducing voicemail messages "you can call us anytime". They are extremely effective at making me feel bad about not calling them every single day, but they are undeniably good parents who worry far too much.
posted by arcticseal at 12:38 AM on January 10, 2012