Bearjacked

June 6, 2013 8:31 AM

Bears searching for food will sometimes smash car windows to look inside. Not this bear, which prefers more of a "gentleman thief" approach. [SLYT]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl (53 comments total)

That was very polite.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:41 AM on June 6, 2013

This sounds like a job for Bear Patrol.
posted by The Whelk at 8:43 AM on June 6, 2013

uh...really? What kind of gentleman leaves the doors wide open?
posted by beau jackson at 8:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [6 favorites]

Needs Mancini.
*Tssss-tss-tss-tssss-tss-tss*
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Polite would have been closing doors when he was done. Now bees are going to get in my car.
posted by Kitteh at 8:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

NOT SHOWN: bear taking long drag of Polish cigarette, exhaling, saying "sometimes, ze honey, she is not in ze car, and zere is nothing you can do"
posted by mightygodking at 8:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [25 favorites]

I understand this varies by location - some bear populations have this figured out, and others don't. So apparently the bears in Yosemite know how to do this, and you have to be sure to lock your doors, but the bears in Yellowstone don't. Lock your doors anyway, though.
posted by echo target at 8:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Would you say he's... more intelligent than the typical ursine?
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:47 AM on June 6, 2013 [29 favorites]

I wasn't logged in when I read this thread and the ad was for "STOP BEAR BILE FARMS," and I learned people farm bear bile. I am now a better and smarter person.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:48 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

uh...really? What kind of gentleman leaves the doors wide open?

His special lady friend was to arrive shortly.
posted by eddydamascene at 8:53 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

With every cute bear video posted on mefi, my survival instinct index decreases like 10 points. I JUST WANNA HUG THEM IT'S SO UNFAIR.
posted by elizardbits at 8:54 AM on June 6, 2013 [15 favorites]

Could we move a couple of Yosemite bears to Yellowstone and then observe whether and how the behavior spreads? (I'm home sick and thinking of irresponsible research.)
posted by Area Man at 8:55 AM on June 6, 2013 [4 favorites]

Bears searching for food iPods, laptops and Garmins will sometimes smash car windows to look inside.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:56 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

I know what you mean, ebits. I'm the same with bears, wolves, and large predatory cats.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:59 AM on June 6, 2013

clearly that bear was born in a barn
posted by fuzzypantalones at 9:00 AM on June 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

"A fed bear is a dead bear"

What we say in my neck of the woods (where there are a lot of black bears).
posted by KokuRyu at 9:01 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Clever girl.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:03 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

That obviously wasn't a real bear. It was three raccoons in a costume trying to shift blame to the ursine population.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:04 AM on June 6, 2013 [18 favorites]

Only five bear attacks in MN since the 1980s. All in all, the bears are being quite reasonable.
posted by Area Man at 9:21 AM on June 6, 2013

Not to bring down the thread, but isn't that bear going to be killed when it's found? It's too habituated to humans to just be released into the wild now.
posted by DU at 9:23 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

All black and brown and covered with hair.
posted by killdevil at 9:24 AM on June 6, 2013

Not to bring down the thread, but isn't that bear going to be killed when it's found?

Luckily, he's the Keyser Söze of bears.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:28 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Not to bring down the thread, but isn't that bear going to be killed when it's found? It's too habituated to humans to just be released into the wild now.

It depends on the bear's history; sometimes they just release them far away.
posted by desjardins at 9:29 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I guess this would be the right thread for me to mention the pay website I am hoping to have up and running soon. It will specialize in gay and bestiality content: bearjacked.com.
posted by flarbuse at 9:31 AM on June 6, 2013

Only 49 to go. Once he finally gets his paws on Eleanor, you'll never hear from him again.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:38 AM on June 6, 2013

It depends on the bear's history;

I had a severe and distressing moment of mental disconnect after mistakenly reading this as "it depends on the bear's browser history".
posted by elizardbits at 9:38 AM on June 6, 2013 [8 favorites]

DU: "Not to bring down the thread, but isn't that bear going to be killed when it's found? It's too habituated to humans to just be released into the wild now."

Why would they bother to find and capture him?
posted by octothorpe at 9:39 AM on June 6, 2013

Why would they bother to find and capture him?

Because you can't have 1500 lb carnivores roaming the streets?
posted by DU at 9:43 AM on June 6, 2013

Bears are all over the place out here in PA. They don't capture them as a rule unless they're attacking someone or it's bear season.
posted by octothorpe at 9:47 AM on June 6, 2013

What you didn't see in the video was that inside the truck the gentleman thief left a white leather glove as his calling card. Size XXXXXXXXXXL.
posted by mcstayinskool at 9:50 AM on June 6, 2013 [4 favorites]

Well they did capture this bear when it wandered in the Sears store but they just took it out into the woods and set it free.
posted by octothorpe at 9:51 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Black bears "only" weigh up to ~500lb; many are much smaller with mature bears weighing as little as 150lbs.

I wonder if he also opened the sliding door on the minivan on the right of the frame.
posted by Mitheral at 9:55 AM on June 6, 2013

They don't capture them as a rule unless they're attacking someone or it's bear season.

So let me see if I have the implication straight here. There's a bear walking around town and nobody cares. It'll open your car to find food, but whatever. You know for a fact that if you are standing there holding a hot dog, or a salmon, or a beehive full of honey, it'll leave you alone.
posted by DU at 10:08 AM on June 6, 2013

When I was new to Asheville, something kept knocking my 55 gallon trash can over.

One night I heard it happen. Angrily, I slammed the door open, stepped onto the carport and righted the trash can before looking around. I thought it was the neighboring dogs.

Six feet away is this black bear standing on its hind legs. We are exactly the same height. I don't think mammalian expressions vary too much. The bear seemed as surprised as I was. I had an image of my sleeping toddler waking to the sounds of Daddy being eviscerated. It can totally get me before I can get inside again.

Talking the bear down seemed reasonable at the time, and what comes out of my mouth is "Hey there big boy." And I said it like Marilyn Monroe would. I know, I know. Not something that has ever left my lips before.

The bear cocked its head to the side when I spoke. I maintained eye contact and pulled the trash can between us. I opened the lid and extracted a spaghetti squash that had sat on the counter for a bit too long. I closed the trash can and set the squash on top. "Here you go."

The bear waddled forward and I went inside. It took seconds, but having your back to a bear seems like hours. Whole life flashed.

I locked up, and turned on the flood lights. I'd sexed the bear wrong. There were two cubs at the bottom of the driveway. Mom cracked the squash open and the three of them ate it. And then they were on to the next house.

Sometimes, feeding the bear is the best option. Since, I have never underestimated the mental capacity of wild animals. We had a sincere communication that night. My life for a dried out squash.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:08 AM on June 6, 2013 [67 favorites]

I'd sexed the bear wrong

You do it like this (nsfw)
posted by louche mustachio at 10:22 AM on June 6, 2013

Why would they bother to find and capture him?

Here in British Columbia, bears that behave like this are immediately tracked, and either removed or "destroyed." Immediately.

Sometimes the bears are released far out in the bush (like 100 kilometers away) but they typically end up back in suburban areas like this.

Not all bears are destroyed. We were camping last year in a busy campsite about an hour by car from the city, and there were signs letting us know a bear was in the campsite (it was down on the beach feeding on carrion of some sort). We were warned to be careful with our garbage and food.

But campsites are one thing. When a bear starts prowling suburban neighbourhoods, it's another situation entirely.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:39 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

What we say in my neck of the woods (where there are a lot of black bears).

KokuRyu, not sure if you saw this already, but this video was actually taken in Maple Ridge.
posted by urbanlenny at 10:43 AM on June 6, 2013

Is it me, or do animals seem to be getting smarter while humans seem to be getting dumber?
posted by tommasz at 11:00 AM on June 6, 2013

> Could we move a couple of Yosemite bears to Yellowstone and then observe whether and how the behavior spreads?

Not needed. The morphic field has been changed, man.
posted by bukvich at 11:04 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

"...this video was actually taken in Maple Ridge."

So bears in this country have learned the trick! I wonder if it will spread east from BC?
posted by Kevin Street at 11:11 AM on June 6, 2013

KokuRyu, not sure if you saw this already, but this video was actually taken in Maple Ridge.

Here's a recent (ie, this week) article that provides some insights into how Maple Ridge deals with bears.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:33 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

The main point being that human beings (suburbanites) are generally responsible when any bear has to get destroyed.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:34 AM on June 6, 2013

beau jackson: uh...really? What kind of gentleman leaves the doors wide open?

The bear looks so human, I actually did half expect him to shut the door behind him.

Re: bear habituation: I grew up near where the video was taken, and there seem to be more bear encounters now than there were when I was a kid. I think a big part of the problem Maple Ridge and other BC suburbs are having is that more and more new subdivisions are being built in what was previously bear territory. The bears aren't going to magically know they're supposed to go elsewhere; instead, they take advantage of the delicious buffet of food waste and garbage that has appeared in their backyard.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:59 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

Bear Species Of The World, In Order Of Quality: The definitive list of bears, from worst to best. Only one can be the world's best bear.
posted by homunculus at 12:07 PM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

You know for a fact that if you are standing there holding a hot dog, or a salmon, or a beehive full of honey, it'll leave you alone.

Nature has provided us with a wonderful nervous system that informs us what to do when a huge carnivore is looking at our food enviously.

Seriously though, bear attacks are very rare. Virtually all bear related injuries occur when someone makes the (usually accidental) mistake of getting between a bear and what it wants.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2013

Re: bear habituation: I grew up near where the video was taken, and there seem to be more bear encounters now than there were when I was a kid. I think a big part of the problem Maple Ridge and other BC suburbs are having is that more and more new subdivisions are being built in what was previously bear territory. The bears aren't going to magically know they're supposed to go elsewhere; instead, they take advantage of the delicious buffet of food waste and garbage that has appeared in their backyard.

Exactly this. I grew up in Cloverdale and Maple Ridge and the like were all very sparsely populated when I was younger, but have now exploded with development.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:12 PM on June 6, 2013

Oh god, this reminds me of a story from childhood that I like to tease my brother with.

We (my brother and I) were pretty young, him still at the 'being carried' age. Our parents were taking us on a hike with some family friends who had a camper van.

We were still in the parking lot, having lunch with the camper's sliding door sitting open before leaving on our hike. All of a sudden my brother starts jumping up and down, shouting out 'Puddy Tat! Puddy Tat!', and excitedly pointing out the door with a BIG grin on his face.

Well, let's just say it was definitely *not* a pussy cat that was 10m away and sauntering towards us. It was very impressive just how quickly everyone got in the camper and shut the doors!
posted by Arandia at 12:25 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

(wave of the paw): You don’t need to close your truck doors.

I am not the bear you’re looking for.

I am hilariously cute and adorable.

I can go about my business.

Move along.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:07 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

So apparently the bears in Yosemite know how to do this, and you have to be sure to lock your doors

On the contrary, if you are enough of an idiot to store anything remotely foodlike in your car despite the endless warnings from park rangers, your best bet is to leave the doors wide open. At least that way you are more likely to be able to drive home, since the bears are less likely to destroy your car in the process of getting your food, which they can smell from far, far away. Yosemite bears know exactly what to do with locked cars: they wedge their claws in the top of the door frame and then pull, peeling the door back like the top of a sardine can and shattering the window. Then they just climb in and help themselves. If you've hidden food in the trunk, they'll just dig through the back seat until they find it. What's more, Yosemite bears know what backpacks and ice chests are, and if you have one visible inside your car they might come investigate even if they can't smell anything.

Yosemite bears are professionals. They are not violent - unless you get between a mother and her cubs - but when it comes to locating and acquiring your food, they are clever and ruthless.
posted by Mars Saxman at 3:48 PM on June 6, 2013

Number one threat to America...........BEARS!

Bears are too cute. What evolutionary sorcery ensured something so deadly to us was also so ohsosoft and fuzzy?
posted by misha at 4:26 PM on June 6, 2013

urbanlenny: "What we say in my neck of the woods (where there are a lot of black bears).

KokuRyu, not sure if you saw this already, but this video was actually taken in Maple Ridge."

In Canada even the bears are polite.
posted by deborah at 4:58 PM on June 6, 2013

DU: "So let me see if I have the implication straight here. There's a bear walking around town and nobody cares. "

A bear walking around isn't a huge deal but one that has learned enough to open doors is probably on the fast train to a bullet in its head. Lots of places in BC experience regular black bear visitation.

hurdy gurdy girl: "I think a big part of the problem Maple Ridge and other BC suburbs are having is that more and more new subdivisions are being built in what was previously bear territory."

Also global warming. Bears are spending less time sleeping in the winter and in some cases are waking up mid hibernation. These bears are hungry when their traditional food sources aren't available and they often turn to the human cast-off smorgasbord.
posted by Mitheral at 7:11 PM on June 6, 2013

Bears are all over the place out here in PA
Funny, I've lived in rural areas of the state all my 41 years and I've seen exactly one bear, and he was making good time to get to the beehives the neighbor had.

Now white tail deer. They're every where.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 12:33 PM on June 8, 2013