"It allows you, at any time you want, to shoot fireballs at will."
December 5, 2014 6:53 AM Subscribe
Pyro fireshooter lets you shoot fireballs from your hand. It is hard to imagine a social or work situation this would not improve, from job interviews to meetings to dates. Make sure to watch the insane (in many ways) video.
What the hell has Will ever done to you?
posted by dudekiller at 7:05 AM on December 5, 2014 [24 favorites]
posted by dudekiller at 7:05 AM on December 5, 2014 [24 favorites]
Sure, a 500,000 btu torch is fun, but can you shoot fireballs at Will?
posted by Floydd at 7:05 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Floydd at 7:05 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
they're not tricks, dad, they're ellusions!
posted by dismas at 7:07 AM on December 5, 2014 [24 favorites]
posted by dismas at 7:07 AM on December 5, 2014 [24 favorites]
Is there any way to see these operate at actual speed? I have a feeling that they're a different experience when they're not in slow motion. Super close up. In the dark.
posted by amtho at 7:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by amtho at 7:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
This is what happens when you don't consult a lawyer before marketing your product. I understand from reading about this elsewhere that it comes with a video that you are obligated to watch - sort of a EULA - and a release form. I expect it to be tested the first time a customer has an unfortunate itch.
posted by vapidave at 7:14 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by vapidave at 7:14 AM on December 5, 2014
Still... Where did the lighter fluid come from?
posted by Freon at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [22 favorites]
posted by Freon at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [22 favorites]
I'm curious why the website doesn't also sell fedoras.
posted by wuwei at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [27 favorites]
posted by wuwei at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [27 favorites]
That video was worthless - someone explain to me why the continual strutting around in the desert, the quick shot of the two exotic cars, the long empty road, and the gang-bang hand signals had anything whatesoever to do with the product they are trying to sell?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [28 favorites]
posted by Old'n'Busted at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [28 favorites]
I've been doing this for ages, with a bit of timed fuse and a bracer of Roman Candles strapped to my (well insulated) arm. Shoots way further than 10', too...
posted by FatherDagon at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by FatherDagon at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Watch your ass, kobolds. Daddy's got a new toy.
posted by echocollate at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by echocollate at 7:18 AM on December 5, 2014 [10 favorites]
I can do this with a normal Bic lighter. Just empty a bit of the butane into your closed fist, and then light it while opening. No disclaimer, either.
posted by chavenet at 7:19 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by chavenet at 7:19 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Goombas and Koopa Troopers are on high alert.
posted by bookwo3107 at 7:20 AM on December 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by bookwo3107 at 7:20 AM on December 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
That's what the Mojave Desert needs: more idiots lighting shit on fire.
Also, I think Pyro was a supervillain, not a superhero.
posted by tempestuoso at 7:26 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
Also, I think Pyro was a supervillain, not a superhero.
posted by tempestuoso at 7:26 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
I feel like a flamethrowing product shouldn't need to work so damn hard to prove that it's badass for badass dudes in badass dark jeans in the badass desert. Like, it's a flamethrower, you had me at flame!
posted by Think_Long at 7:27 AM on December 5, 2014 [25 favorites]
posted by Think_Long at 7:27 AM on December 5, 2014 [25 favorites]
Geeze, blahblahblah, couldn't you have posted this BEFORE the Secret Quonsar shipping deadline?!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:31 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 7:31 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Video made me feel stabby. But anyway.
It's kind of cool and kind of... not? This is the sort of thing Sharper Image might've been selling back in the day if Bluetooth was available (that 30' remote distance is a clue) and they could find a way to make it sound like a vital part of a condo-dwelling new money businessman's lifestyle.
Also... it's only got four rounds. Which is going to be either plenty or too little, never just-right. and I don't look forward to some asshat using it in a crowd and the fallout from media and legislation after that.
posted by ardgedee at 7:33 AM on December 5, 2014
It's kind of cool and kind of... not? This is the sort of thing Sharper Image might've been selling back in the day if Bluetooth was available (that 30' remote distance is a clue) and they could find a way to make it sound like a vital part of a condo-dwelling new money businessman's lifestyle.
Also... it's only got four rounds. Which is going to be either plenty or too little, never just-right. and I don't look forward to some asshat using it in a crowd and the fallout from media and legislation after that.
posted by ardgedee at 7:33 AM on December 5, 2014
Pretty cool. One caveat: Needs flash wool and flash paper to work. Neither one is particularly cheap nor particularly available.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 7:37 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by Benny Andajetz at 7:37 AM on December 5, 2014
Still... Where did the lighter fluid come from?
The funniest thing about this line -- and the most alarming thing about this product -- is that GOB says it after having shot lighter fluid on another person. If the illusion had worked, that person would be in the burn ward for weeks.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:39 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
The funniest thing about this line -- and the most alarming thing about this product -- is that GOB says it after having shot lighter fluid on another person. If the illusion had worked, that person would be in the burn ward for weeks.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:39 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
There's a slogan on this site, "Welcome to magic. Perform like never before." This seems more aimed at Criss Angel wannabes and the like who want flashy open-palm fireballs as part of an act. The disclaimer is actually a pretty sensible list of the kind of precautions one would want to take with such a device.
But the dude in the video pretending to be a badass? Yeah, lame.
posted by graymouser at 7:42 AM on December 5, 2014
But the dude in the video pretending to be a badass? Yeah, lame.
posted by graymouser at 7:42 AM on December 5, 2014
This is going to make my upcoming operations review meeting much quicker, especially the "does anyone have any questions?" part.
posted by tommasz at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
I will never stop being amazed at the things people will do in their attempts to be allowed inside other people.
posted by chicobangs at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by chicobangs at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
It's pretty obvious that this is the perfect solution for awkward boys who want to repel bullies and attract girls.
posted by 445supermag at 7:46 AM on December 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by 445supermag at 7:46 AM on December 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Omg this is what I want for the next booooring conference call or trans-Atlantic flight.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:47 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:47 AM on December 5, 2014
I imagine down-playing it to the TSA might be a chore.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:48 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by craven_morhead at 7:48 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
That was an amazingly bad video.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:53 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:53 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
It took me a good 10 minutes after finishing the video to realize it wasn't a parody. I was on this thread for much of that time.
posted by IShouldBeStudyingRightNow at 7:54 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by IShouldBeStudyingRightNow at 7:54 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Hmmm. My girlfriend has been saying she'd like me to heat things up a bit in the bedroom...
posted by orme at 7:55 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by orme at 7:55 AM on December 5, 2014
IShouldBeStudyingRightNow: Maybe this is reverse Poe's Law for Men's Rights Fedora Bros?
posted by wuwei at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by wuwei at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2014
Screw you people. I want one.
posted by eamondaly at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by eamondaly at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Brilliant tag, by the way.
posted by MysticMCJ at 7:58 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by MysticMCJ at 7:58 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
I imagine down-playing it to the TSA might be a chore.
You laugh. But I had a friend with a homemade 'remote-fireworks detonator', that ignited fireworks from an SMS message.
He was travelling with this device (homemade, mind you, so wires and whatnot through it), happily explained what it did when asked, and the TSA apparently FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
They evacuated a part of the airport, had him completely surrounded with agents from all sorts of government agencies.
At the end of it they let him on the next plane and asked him to check-in such devices when traveling in the future. It of course helps that he's a middle age white dude that you can google and find out he is a 'prominent inventor'.
I know he enjoyed every minute of the theatre though, he's a funny funny guy.
posted by el io at 7:59 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
You laugh. But I had a friend with a homemade 'remote-fireworks detonator', that ignited fireworks from an SMS message.
He was travelling with this device (homemade, mind you, so wires and whatnot through it), happily explained what it did when asked, and the TSA apparently FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
They evacuated a part of the airport, had him completely surrounded with agents from all sorts of government agencies.
At the end of it they let him on the next plane and asked him to check-in such devices when traveling in the future. It of course helps that he's a middle age white dude that you can google and find out he is a 'prominent inventor'.
I know he enjoyed every minute of the theatre though, he's a funny funny guy.
posted by el io at 7:59 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
It's pretty obvious that this is the perfect solution for awkward boys who want to repel attract bullies and attract repel girls.
FTFY.
posted by el io at 8:01 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
FTFY.
posted by el io at 8:01 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
"anytime you want - shoot fireballs - at will" is redundant.
posted by stevil at 8:07 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by stevil at 8:07 AM on December 5, 2014
Eh, I'm following the electrical elemental skill tree instead.
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
posted by bibliowench at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
posted by bibliowench at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
I'm attacking the darkness!
posted by sparklemotion at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by sparklemotion at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
"It's slim. It's black. You can conceal it under your sleeve."
"This just in- thirty more bros were hospitalized over the weekend with serious lower arm burns as the epidemic of mysterious sleeve fires continues. Film at 11."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014
"This just in- thirty more bros were hospitalized over the weekend with serious lower arm burns as the epidemic of mysterious sleeve fires continues. Film at 11."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:10 AM on December 5, 2014
"anytime you want - shoot fireballs - at will" is redundant.
Or, as noted above, simply a failure of capitalization, like "susie helped her uncle jack off the horse."
posted by The Bellman at 8:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
Or, as noted above, simply a failure of capitalization, like "susie helped her uncle jack off the horse."
posted by The Bellman at 8:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
homemade 'remote-fireworks detonator', that ignited fireworks from an SMS message.
Look, I'm always up for a good TSA hatefest, but traveling with an IED is something that it's quite reasonable for the TSA to "freak the fuck out" about.
posted by Hatashran at 8:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [9 favorites]
Look, I'm always up for a good TSA hatefest, but traveling with an IED is something that it's quite reasonable for the TSA to "freak the fuck out" about.
posted by Hatashran at 8:11 AM on December 5, 2014 [9 favorites]
"It's slim. It's black. You can conceal it under your sleeve."
Could I conceal it under my tattoo sleeves?
posted by barchan at 8:12 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Could I conceal it under my tattoo sleeves?
posted by barchan at 8:12 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I understand from reading about this elsewhere that it comes with a video that you are obligated to watch - sort of a EULA - and a release form
it's probably in the jam-packed download
someone explain to me why the continual strutting around in the desert
Did you see the brief part where he's running? I cringed. The guy they try so hard to make seem cool runs like a total goof.
posted by Hoopo at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
it's probably in the jam-packed download
someone explain to me why the continual strutting around in the desert
Did you see the brief part where he's running? I cringed. The guy they try so hard to make seem cool runs like a total goof.
posted by Hoopo at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
That video was worthless - someone explain to me why the continual strutting around in the desert, the quick shot of the two exotic cars, the long empty road, and the gang-bang hand signals had anything whatesoever to do with the product they are trying to sell?
I believe the common thread is "asshole appeal".
posted by codacorolla at 8:23 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
I believe the common thread is "asshole appeal".
posted by codacorolla at 8:23 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
Look, I'm always up for a good TSA hatefest, but traveling with an IED is something that it's quite reasonable for the TSA to "freak the fuck out" about.
I think he was more amused than upset at the TSA reaction. Technically it wasn't an IED, it was a detonator (think cigarette car lighter at the end of the device, not explosive).
Oh yeah, and for those wondering, this is most likely a cigarette car lighter type igniter as well (with 4 chambers) - no dangerous fluids involved (flash cotton and flash paper, carefully packed). The reset time on these devices is somewhat significant as well (hence the 4 chambers).
posted by el io at 8:30 AM on December 5, 2014
I think he was more amused than upset at the TSA reaction. Technically it wasn't an IED, it was a detonator (think cigarette car lighter at the end of the device, not explosive).
Oh yeah, and for those wondering, this is most likely a cigarette car lighter type igniter as well (with 4 chambers) - no dangerous fluids involved (flash cotton and flash paper, carefully packed). The reset time on these devices is somewhat significant as well (hence the 4 chambers).
posted by el io at 8:30 AM on December 5, 2014
Synergy ideas:
- Flame Retardant Ed Hardy Apparel
- MONSTER branded fire extinguishers
- Dude Wipes disinfectant burn pads
- Chris Angel brand liability waivers
- TAP-OUT "Tapper" custom remote control
All that video was missing was the Wilhelm scream. And a sense of shame.
posted by mosk at 8:37 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by mosk at 8:37 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
I don't understand the vitriolic response to this. Yes, it's stupid and pointless, but super ultra rad and cool things often are.
posted by Librarypt at 8:43 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by Librarypt at 8:43 AM on December 5, 2014
It's funny that they think a "jam-packed instructional download" is a selling point.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
He shouldn't be testing this in the scrublands. This belongs in the sand wastes.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:51 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:51 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
It looked like they set up that whole chair scene and then the stripper didn't show up.
posted by ODiV at 8:51 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by ODiV at 8:51 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
For an all too brief few years, the Bush Era had been successfully contained beneath the Mojave Dome, in a desert pit seething with goatees and Korn. Until that fateful day when the inhabitants learned to fight back. With fireballs. Shot at will.
posted by mubba at 8:53 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by mubba at 8:53 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Does it come with a free copy of The Final Countdown?
posted by rocket88 at 8:53 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by rocket88 at 8:53 AM on December 5, 2014
Betting pool on date this gizmo is banned at schools, airports, and most public areas?
posted by CrowGoat at 8:55 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by CrowGoat at 8:55 AM on December 5, 2014
el io, I think it's tough for anyone to sell to the TSA "But it's only a detonator! What's the big deal?!?"
posted by craven_morhead at 8:55 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by craven_morhead at 8:55 AM on December 5, 2014
Get back to me when I can shoot actual lasers from my eyeballs.
posted by drlith at 9:01 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by drlith at 9:01 AM on December 5, 2014
craven morhead: if my friend had worshipped the wrong god (or had dressed in a way to suggest he did), I'm sure he'd be in confinement today.
posted by el io at 9:23 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by el io at 9:23 AM on December 5, 2014
The video is flashy and all, but this looks like an electrified version of that old Spiderman-toy-arrow thingy you'd mount to your wrist, loaded with flash paper.
posted by JoeZydeco at 9:28 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by JoeZydeco at 9:28 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I was arrested in 1999 for shooting off a roman candle out of my car - the police didn't seem to share my enthusiasm with how cool it was. Lesson learned.
Also I kept thinking this Ed Hardy bro was going to start firing this thing off in the drought-stricken southwest desert that he is strutting around in and was like no, no, please no. Way anxious.
posted by jnnla at 9:29 AM on December 5, 2014
Also I kept thinking this Ed Hardy bro was going to start firing this thing off in the drought-stricken southwest desert that he is strutting around in and was like no, no, please no. Way anxious.
posted by jnnla at 9:29 AM on December 5, 2014
Is there a less objectionable word for douchiness? Because whatever that word is, this video is that. Very much.
posted by dirtdirt at 9:33 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by dirtdirt at 9:33 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
He shouldn't be testing this in the scrublands. This He belongs in the sand wastes.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:41 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:41 AM on December 5, 2014
Metafilter: gang-bang hand signals
(did i do it right?)
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:05 AM on December 5, 2014
(did i do it right?)
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:05 AM on December 5, 2014
The last people you want shooting fireballs out of their wrists are people who want to shoot fireballs out of their wrists. Perhaps it's some sort of cull, and anyone who orders one of these will find it actually injects them with some sort of disabling soma the first time they use it, so they sit down all happy-like for the next sixty years.
But, to be honest, I don't get this at all. I can understand the product as having a legitimate market among performers or stuntmen or extreme moth flambee enthusiasts, but the marketing semiotics are totally at odds with that. Is it something to do with Uber?
posted by Devonian at 10:26 AM on December 5, 2014
But, to be honest, I don't get this at all. I can understand the product as having a legitimate market among performers or stuntmen or extreme moth flambee enthusiasts, but the marketing semiotics are totally at odds with that. Is it something to do with Uber?
posted by Devonian at 10:26 AM on December 5, 2014
Is it something to do with Uber?
Ellusionist.com sells magic tricks to magicians. This is more about the David Blaine-ing and Criss Angel-ing of magic than it is about Silicon Valley bro-culture.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:29 AM on December 5, 2014
Ellusionist.com sells magic tricks to magicians. This is more about the David Blaine-ing and Criss Angel-ing of magic than it is about Silicon Valley bro-culture.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:29 AM on December 5, 2014
el io, I think it's tough for anyone to sell to the TSA "But it's only a detonator! What's the big deal?!?"
A detonator is a switch. A switch means nothing without something to be switched. You bring that, it's a party. Without it, who cares except people frightened by a name?
posted by scalefree at 10:34 AM on December 5, 2014
A detonator is a switch. A switch means nothing without something to be switched. You bring that, it's a party. Without it, who cares except people frightened by a name?
posted by scalefree at 10:34 AM on December 5, 2014
A detonator is a switch. A switch means nothing without something to be switched. You bring that, it's a party. Without it, who cares except people frightened by a name?
I don't know- I'm as bothered by TSA overreach as anyone, but if I see someone bringing such a switch on to a plane, the first question I might ask is "What is this person planning on detonating, and where might that thing be?"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:39 AM on December 5, 2014
I don't know- I'm as bothered by TSA overreach as anyone, but if I see someone bringing such a switch on to a plane, the first question I might ask is "What is this person planning on detonating, and where might that thing be?"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:39 AM on December 5, 2014
I want to get one of these and put it on the shelf next to my 1 watt Spyder Laser. Just because.
posted by Splunge at 10:40 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by Splunge at 10:40 AM on December 5, 2014
The tone of the video suggests that this product is designed to appeal to that particular type of douche canoe who confuses "impressing people with my skills and knowledge" with "scaring people with my creepy-craziness". That dude will be the first one to set a fedora on fire with this product.
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 10:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 10:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
(Not that there aren't non-douche-canoe-y, fedora-free ways in which one might safely enjoy this product. I'm speaking more to the tone of the video than to the product itself.)
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 10:45 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 10:45 AM on December 5, 2014
I get that it's a trick for magicians and the like. The thing about having a button that sets it off from thirty feet and the 'totally invisible' shtick rather gives it away. But the marketing I've seen for illusionist stuff, while not short on razzmatazz, tends to be short on the mirrorshades and black denim desert and long on professionalism.
posted by Devonian at 10:46 AM on December 5, 2014
posted by Devonian at 10:46 AM on December 5, 2014
So an MMA fighter walks into a magic shop.
posted by littlerobothead at 10:54 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by littlerobothead at 10:54 AM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
I don't know- I'm as bothered by TSA overreach as anyone, but if I see someone bringing such a switch on to a plane, the first question I might ask is "What is this person planning on detonating, and where might that thing be?"
Exactly. I recently ran across a blog the TSA runs with pictures of the stuff they confiscate, and a truly shocking number of people (3-5 a week in the US) try to bring grenades in their carry-on luggage, and then, when the TSA tries to confiscate the grenades, starts arguing that the grenade is totally safe because it's inert. At that point, my questions would be 1) How sure are you and why should the TSA trust you? and 2) How on Earth is anyone else on the plane who happens to see your grenade when you're digging through your carry-on for some almonds supposed to know at sight that it's not a live grenade?
And that's assuming the absolute best intentions of people who want to bring grenades with them on planes.
posted by Copronymus at 11:09 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Exactly. I recently ran across a blog the TSA runs with pictures of the stuff they confiscate, and a truly shocking number of people (3-5 a week in the US) try to bring grenades in their carry-on luggage, and then, when the TSA tries to confiscate the grenades, starts arguing that the grenade is totally safe because it's inert. At that point, my questions would be 1) How sure are you and why should the TSA trust you? and 2) How on Earth is anyone else on the plane who happens to see your grenade when you're digging through your carry-on for some almonds supposed to know at sight that it's not a live grenade?
And that's assuming the absolute best intentions of people who want to bring grenades with them on planes.
posted by Copronymus at 11:09 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
When the product inevitably fails and he's left with back stock, he's going to leave the remaining stock n his attic. One day, in twenty years, his teenage daughter will find them. Not knowing what it is, she'll wear one just because it looks like a neat wrist band thing. At school that day, the class bully will be picking on a freshmen and she'll shout "hey stop" and point at him, simultaneously releasing an accidental burst of flame.
Thus, America's first superhero comes onto the scene.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:27 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
Thus, America's first superhero comes onto the scene.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:27 AM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
In high school, my friend Joe, who played tuba in band, discovered that you could empty the contents of a butane lighter into the mouthpiece of your tuba, put it back in the instrument, hold up another lighter to the bell end, and blow massive fireballs out of the tuba. Top THAT, Mr. Fedora-wearing-fireball-thrower.
posted by briank at 11:39 AM on December 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by briank at 11:39 AM on December 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
I don't understand the vitriolic response to this. Yes, it's stupid and pointless, but super ultra rad and cool things often are.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say the video has something to do with it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
I'm going to go out on a limb and say the video has something to do with it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:44 AM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
A detonator is a switch. A switch means nothing without something to be switched.
And a remote switch is something that switches something remotely. As in, not right here with the person holding the switch.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:46 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
And a remote switch is something that switches something remotely. As in, not right here with the person holding the switch.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:46 AM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
No. Just no.
Even as a kid, I'd make fun of these guys. The professional fireworks community would call them "kewls". Little kids who are fascinated with anything that goes boom. Except that these are, ostensibly, adults.
For one, what's with the epic music? I assume they're marketing for eight-year-olds, which would also explain the "superhero" angle.
For another, there are so many stupid, irrelevant fireworks effects in the video that I can't quite tell what the product actually does.
For another, flash paper and flash cotton? Seriously? Those are lame magician's tools for little kids. At sixteen and seventeen I was building my own working flamethrowers. (You could find blueprints on Something Awful. Just saying.)
I doubt the fireballs are particularly dangerous. Otherwise, I'd look forward to a few Darwin Awards and/or ridiculous news reports.
posted by quiet earth at 11:55 AM on December 5, 2014
Even as a kid, I'd make fun of these guys. The professional fireworks community would call them "kewls". Little kids who are fascinated with anything that goes boom. Except that these are, ostensibly, adults.
For one, what's with the epic music? I assume they're marketing for eight-year-olds, which would also explain the "superhero" angle.
For another, there are so many stupid, irrelevant fireworks effects in the video that I can't quite tell what the product actually does.
For another, flash paper and flash cotton? Seriously? Those are lame magician's tools for little kids. At sixteen and seventeen I was building my own working flamethrowers. (You could find blueprints on Something Awful. Just saying.)
I doubt the fireballs are particularly dangerous. Otherwise, I'd look forward to a few Darwin Awards and/or ridiculous news reports.
posted by quiet earth at 11:55 AM on December 5, 2014
Gob from Arrested Development is sure to get at least 4.
posted by shortyJBot at 12:04 PM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by shortyJBot at 12:04 PM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
What is their return policy, by the way?
posted by ODiV at 12:07 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by ODiV at 12:07 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
My sister and I assembled a working flamethrower. The neighborhood adults laughed at us until we set the woods behind our houses on fire.
posted by Pudhoho at 12:45 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by Pudhoho at 12:45 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'm going to go out on a limb and say the video has something to do with it.
Well, I thought the video was hilarious. Not the intended reaction, I'm sure, but it was entertaining.
posted by Librarypt at 12:45 PM on December 5, 2014
Well, I thought the video was hilarious. Not the intended reaction, I'm sure, but it was entertaining.
posted by Librarypt at 12:45 PM on December 5, 2014
It's nice that kickstarter has turned into an elaborate version of the back page of ads in the old comic books.
EXPAND YOUR CHEST!
SHOOT FIREBALLS AT WILL!
posted by ennui.bz at 12:53 PM on December 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
EXPAND YOUR CHEST!
SHOOT FIREBALLS AT WILL!
posted by ennui.bz at 12:53 PM on December 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Breakthrough? Really?
You guys have seen Colin Furze right?
You should of course see this one filmed in the burn ward afterwards, for balance. (Although to be fair that was from an exploding no weld jet engine. rather than the flamethrowers so)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:06 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
You guys have seen Colin Furze right?
You should of course see this one filmed in the burn ward afterwards, for balance. (Although to be fair that was from an exploding no weld jet engine. rather than the flamethrowers so)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 1:06 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
It's nice that kickstarter has turned into an elaborate version of the back page of ads in the old comic books.
Now I want a backpack version that shoots out flames to spell HERO OF THE BEACH above me.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:49 PM on December 5, 2014
Now I want a backpack version that shoots out flames to spell HERO OF THE BEACH above me.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:49 PM on December 5, 2014
Here's a few tips;
First, up your attunement. More attunement means more fireballs. Second, talk to the pyromancer in Firelink and have him upgrade your flame. It's relatively cheap, and greatly improves the damage of your fireballs. You can rescue him in the depths in a room right next to where you fight the butchers. Third, a lot of bosses are fire resistant, but it really shines against regular enemies and while fighting O+S. Good luck.
posted by codacorolla at 2:02 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
First, up your attunement. More attunement means more fireballs. Second, talk to the pyromancer in Firelink and have him upgrade your flame. It's relatively cheap, and greatly improves the damage of your fireballs. You can rescue him in the depths in a room right next to where you fight the butchers. Third, a lot of bosses are fire resistant, but it really shines against regular enemies and while fighting O+S. Good luck.
posted by codacorolla at 2:02 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
hold up another lighter to the bell end
no... no don't do this
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:35 PM on December 5, 2014 [7 favorites]
no... no don't do this
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:35 PM on December 5, 2014 [7 favorites]
In high school, my friend Joe, who played tuba in band, discovered that you could empty the contents of a butane lighter into the mouthpiece of your tuba, put it back in the instrument, hold up another lighter to the bell end, and blow massive fireballs out of the tuba. Top THAT, Mr. Fedora-wearing-fireball-thrower.
There's a busker in London who does this; he wears Victorian/steampunk attire and plays tuba, periodically shooting fireballs from it. From what I've seen, he has actually rigged his tuba, plumbing in a propane canister.
posted by acb at 3:07 PM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
There's a busker in London who does this; he wears Victorian/steampunk attire and plays tuba, periodically shooting fireballs from it. From what I've seen, he has actually rigged his tuba, plumbing in a propane canister.
posted by acb at 3:07 PM on December 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
no... no don't do this
Is this a new take on the wire brush of enlightenment?
posted by acb at 3:09 PM on December 5, 2014
Is this a new take on the wire brush of enlightenment?
posted by acb at 3:09 PM on December 5, 2014
Is this something you need a chair in the desert encircled by a constantly moving camera to understand?
posted by rhizome at 5:11 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 5:11 PM on December 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
How good could a tuba sound with a propane tank inside it?
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:44 PM on December 5, 2014
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:44 PM on December 5, 2014
Better than one without?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:13 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:13 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
As someone who has logged multiple hundreds of hours as a pyro in TF2, I'm pretty sure you could see my boner from space.
posted by Cyrano at 10:04 PM on December 5, 2014
posted by Cyrano at 10:04 PM on December 5, 2014
dude is trying waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too hard.
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 3:52 PM on December 6, 2014
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 3:52 PM on December 6, 2014
So I'm pushing 50 and starting to feel a little ridiculous wearing shorts, t-shirts and baseball caps all the time. Depends on what I'm doing, of course, but sometimes I want to look a little nicer and I still want a hat either to block the sun or for warmth in the winter. And I know y'all hate the fedora, but if you're going to judge me as some PUA douchebro based on a freakin' hat, well, go right ahead because it looks good and my wife likes it and I'm only getting older and I don't really give a shit.
This guy is wearing a baseball cap, is what I'm saying.
posted by malocchio at 12:35 PM on December 9, 2014
This guy is wearing a baseball cap, is what I'm saying.
posted by malocchio at 12:35 PM on December 9, 2014
Douchebags prefer the trilby. Don't let that stop you from getting your hard-boiled on, Humph.
posted by Seiten Taisei at 4:24 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Seiten Taisei at 4:24 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by humanfont at 7:02 AM on December 5, 2014 [3 favorites]