Next Step: Cheese Subs... No, real homebrew submarines. In the Baltic.
August 19, 2015 7:53 AM Subscribe
Russian police have smashed an international smuggling ring moving product with an estimated street value of 3 billion rubles into the country. The product? Cheese. Officers recovered some 1,000 pounds of cheese and cheese paraphernalia (rennet and printing equipment for making counterfeit labels). The ring was supplying a growing underground black market for cheese in Russia.
In 2014, the Putin administration responded to western sanctions for its behavior in Ukraine by slapping its own sanctions on a wide range of goods from the west. Quite a few of these banned items were foodstuffs, which has led to numerous incidents in which Russian police have taken bulldozers to foreign foods including cheese, peaches, and in one much mocked instance, frozen geese.
The result has been a rise in criminal food smuggling, to which Russia appears to be responding with a "war on food" crackdown.
Dmitry Chugunov, of Russia's Civic Chamber presented the threat in stark terms. "If we don't kick this food addiction, we will never learn to build worthy cheese factories, will not reach positive results in import replacement."
In 2014, the Putin administration responded to western sanctions for its behavior in Ukraine by slapping its own sanctions on a wide range of goods from the west. Quite a few of these banned items were foodstuffs, which has led to numerous incidents in which Russian police have taken bulldozers to foreign foods including cheese, peaches, and in one much mocked instance, frozen geese.
The result has been a rise in criminal food smuggling, to which Russia appears to be responding with a "war on food" crackdown.
Dmitry Chugunov, of Russia's Civic Chamber presented the threat in stark terms. "If we don't kick this food addiction, we will never learn to build worthy cheese factories, will not reach positive results in import replacement."
Russia Burns Banned Western Food
The weight of destroying food in a country with the history of scarcity that Russia has really cannot be overstated.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:01 AM on August 19, 2015 [15 favorites]
The weight of destroying food in a country with the history of scarcity that Russia has really cannot be overstated.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:01 AM on August 19, 2015 [15 favorites]
The ring was supplying a growing underground black market for cheese in Russia.
You have my attention.
posted by Wordshore at 8:02 AM on August 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
You have my attention.
posted by Wordshore at 8:02 AM on August 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Can you clarify, are there actual submarines that swim underwater involved here?
posted by bq at 8:04 AM on August 19, 2015
posted by bq at 8:04 AM on August 19, 2015
Damn Russians and their addiction to food. Russian leaders have been trying to cure the people for centuries, but everyone keeps dying of withdrawal.
posted by Behemoth at 8:14 AM on August 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by Behemoth at 8:14 AM on August 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
50 Ukrainian Ducks Confiscated, Burned on Russian Border:
"The ducklings did not have any accompanying documents, so a decision was made to destroy them."
posted by Kabanos at 8:15 AM on August 19, 2015
"The ducklings did not have any accompanying documents, so a decision was made to destroy them."
posted by Kabanos at 8:15 AM on August 19, 2015
Once the food is introduced to the Potemkin 3000 Incinerate-O-Matic, I'm sure this problem will go away. Or straight into the black market that's controlled by one of Putin's cronies.
posted by RakDaddy at 8:16 AM on August 19, 2015
posted by RakDaddy at 8:16 AM on August 19, 2015
NYT: Russia Burns Dutch Flowers Amid Netherlands’ Inquiry Into Malaysia Airlines Crash
posted by Kabanos at 8:21 AM on August 19, 2015
posted by Kabanos at 8:21 AM on August 19, 2015
In Finland, these sanctions resulted in Putin cheese.
No, it's not the cruft you find under your Putin.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:23 AM on August 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
No, it's not the cruft you find under your Putin.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:23 AM on August 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
"If we don't kick this food addiction, we will never learn to build worthy cheese factories, will not reach positive results in import replacement."
Juche with Russian characteristics.
posted by acb at 8:24 AM on August 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Juche with Russian characteristics.
posted by acb at 8:24 AM on August 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Great quote posted to reddit:
"You know it's a serious diplomatic dispute when our sanitary officials get involved …"
posted by Kabanos at 8:26 AM on August 19, 2015
"You know it's a serious diplomatic dispute when our sanitary officials get involved …"
posted by Kabanos at 8:26 AM on August 19, 2015
And I thought the whole cheese smuggling bit in Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next books was just some over-the-top absurdist humor.
posted by tracer at 8:36 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by tracer at 8:36 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
No, consider this variant of the ontological argument of St. Anselm.
It is a conceptual truth (or, so to speak, true by definition) that cheese smuggling is a thing than which nothing more absurd and over the top can be imagined (that is, the most absurd and over the top possible thing that can be imagined).
Cheese smuggling exists as an idea in the mind.
A thing that exists as an idea in the mind and also in reality is, other things being equal, more absurd and over the top than a thing that exists only as an idea in the mind.
Thus, if cheese smuggling exists only as an idea in the mind, then we can imagine something that is more absurd and over the top than cheese smuggling (that is, a most absurd and over the top possible thing that does exist).
But we cannot imagine something that is more absurd and over the top than cheese smuggling (for it is a contradiction to suppose that we can imagine a thing more absurd and over the top than the most absurd and over the top possible thing that can be imagined.)
Therefore, cheese smuggling is real and is more absurd and over the top than fictional cheese smuggling.
posted by Naberius at 8:45 AM on August 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
It is a conceptual truth (or, so to speak, true by definition) that cheese smuggling is a thing than which nothing more absurd and over the top can be imagined (that is, the most absurd and over the top possible thing that can be imagined).
Cheese smuggling exists as an idea in the mind.
A thing that exists as an idea in the mind and also in reality is, other things being equal, more absurd and over the top than a thing that exists only as an idea in the mind.
Thus, if cheese smuggling exists only as an idea in the mind, then we can imagine something that is more absurd and over the top than cheese smuggling (that is, a most absurd and over the top possible thing that does exist).
But we cannot imagine something that is more absurd and over the top than cheese smuggling (for it is a contradiction to suppose that we can imagine a thing more absurd and over the top than the most absurd and over the top possible thing that can be imagined.)
Therefore, cheese smuggling is real and is more absurd and over the top than fictional cheese smuggling.
posted by Naberius at 8:45 AM on August 19, 2015 [9 favorites]
Came for the inevitable Thursday Next reference, was not disappointed.
Seriously though has anyone spoken to Jasper Fforde...
posted by angeline at 8:51 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Seriously though has anyone spoken to Jasper Fforde...
posted by angeline at 8:51 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
"Fondue? More like fondon't." - Det. Vlad "Ace" Putin
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:00 AM on August 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:00 AM on August 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Like angeline, came for the Fforde, but also to add this if no-one had: Cheese Enforcement Agency
posted by Hactar at 9:01 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Hactar at 9:01 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Ah, St. Anselm, there's a man who put his faith in cheeses.
posted by sobarel at 9:04 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by sobarel at 9:04 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
What kind of munsters are these people? The gouda done something better with all that cheese rather than destroy it!
posted by slogger at 9:13 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by slogger at 9:13 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
This doesn't count as a non-food use of cheese, Wordshore.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:14 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:14 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Meanwhile - Putin in a submarine - looking for the cheese?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/11810703/Vladimir-Putin-plunges-into-Black-Sea-in-research-submarine.html
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:16 AM on August 19, 2015
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/11810703/Vladimir-Putin-plunges-into-Black-Sea-in-research-submarine.html
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:16 AM on August 19, 2015
Who Putin'd my cheese? - An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Totalitarian Regime and in Your Life
But seriously, it says quite a lot about a regime that effing destroys food smuggled in at all, much less because people want food and it happens to be ban-shaped. Confiscate it and give it away. Feed it to cows and goats and give those away. Something other than such wanton waste.
posted by tilde at 9:48 AM on August 19, 2015
But seriously, it says quite a lot about a regime that effing destroys food smuggled in at all, much less because people want food and it happens to be ban-shaped. Confiscate it and give it away. Feed it to cows and goats and give those away. Something other than such wanton waste.
posted by tilde at 9:48 AM on August 19, 2015
I too have the French Cheese missing sads.
Damn you meddling FDA! So many jobs you don't do and yet you do this one!
posted by srboisvert at 9:49 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Damn you meddling FDA! So many jobs you don't do and yet you do this one!
posted by srboisvert at 9:49 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Related: Ad in Russia for an italian deli that changes when cops walk near it.
I find this sort of cultural protectionism really fascinating. Russia has a complex when it comes to Western cultural products (concrete and abstract) for centuries. Their approach to supporting western cultural artforms but also trying to out do say, French ballet, is really interesting. Its like when someone believes they're in a bitter rivalry with an opponent who didn't even know they were in direct competition.
Their strategy here is also bizarre because the only people REALLY hurting from this are their own citizens. I could be wrong on that, and I'd love to see a story from Italy about businesses hurting from missing out on Russian export sales. Maybe I'm reducing it to the equivalent in a classroom as a teacher, but telling someone they can't have something is not a great way to get them to support you in other things.
posted by lownote at 10:04 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I find this sort of cultural protectionism really fascinating. Russia has a complex when it comes to Western cultural products (concrete and abstract) for centuries. Their approach to supporting western cultural artforms but also trying to out do say, French ballet, is really interesting. Its like when someone believes they're in a bitter rivalry with an opponent who didn't even know they were in direct competition.
Their strategy here is also bizarre because the only people REALLY hurting from this are their own citizens. I could be wrong on that, and I'd love to see a story from Italy about businesses hurting from missing out on Russian export sales. Maybe I'm reducing it to the equivalent in a classroom as a teacher, but telling someone they can't have something is not a great way to get them to support you in other things.
posted by lownote at 10:04 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I guess we... finally cracked this queso.
*suglasses*
*guitar*
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:12 AM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
*suglasses*
*guitar*
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:12 AM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
After food, Russia now burns flowers.
It's not cultural protection or prevention of smuggling. Russia is trying to demonstrate that sanctions work in both directions.
posted by three blind mice at 10:12 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's not cultural protection or prevention of smuggling. Russia is trying to demonstrate that sanctions work in both directions.
posted by three blind mice at 10:12 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Kremlin has also contracted well known British mercenaries who are experts in submarine warfare and cheese interdiction.
posted by ursus_comiter at 10:47 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ursus_comiter at 10:47 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Begun, this cold-cut war has.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:50 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 10:50 AM on August 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sad story, but I really liked the Economist headline, The bonfire of the vans of cheese
posted by A dead Quaker at 11:07 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by A dead Quaker at 11:07 AM on August 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
Fromage, Romano, Camembert, lend me Gruyère;
I've come to seize your Beaufort, not to taste it.
The cheese-wheels that men do live after them;
The Gouda is soft, wholesome for your bones;
So let it be with cheeser.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:15 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've come to seize your Beaufort, not to taste it.
The cheese-wheels that men do live after them;
The Gouda is soft, wholesome for your bones;
So let it be with cheeser.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:15 AM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
The ballad Death of a Parmesan is pretty amusing for any Russian-speakers. But this situation is horrible and grotesque, in a country where the people remember starvation. My father-in-law has quite a few anecdotes about getting food in Soviet times, so I'll be interested to know what he makes of this.
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 11:54 AM on August 19, 2015
posted by Wrinkled Stumpskin at 11:54 AM on August 19, 2015
"Belarusan Avocados": Julia Ioffe writes about who in Russia benefits from the food bans.
posted by Kabanos at 2:10 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Kabanos at 2:10 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Therefore, cheese smuggling is real and is more absurd and over the top than fictional cheese smuggling.
Still, this Chef episode, though fictional, is hilarious.
posted by juiceCake at 2:13 PM on August 19, 2015
Still, this Chef episode, though fictional, is hilarious.
posted by juiceCake at 2:13 PM on August 19, 2015
"... Cheddar or Gouda if you're on the harder stuff..."
posted by Devonian at 2:39 PM on August 19, 2015
posted by Devonian at 2:39 PM on August 19, 2015
The local official responsible for destroying the geese has reportedly received an official reprimand.
It turns out the geese should have been burned, not bulldozed.
This post has brought me much joy and I thank you for it.
posted by nicodine at 9:19 PM on August 19, 2015
It turns out the geese should have been burned, not bulldozed.
This post has brought me much joy and I thank you for it.
posted by nicodine at 9:19 PM on August 19, 2015
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