47-Second Clip From 'Family Ties' Season 3 Now Available on YouTube

July 1, 2018 7:09 PM

"Touting the prestigious addition to their comedy portfolio, executives from YouTube announced Monday that a 47-second clip from the third season of Family Ties is now available on their video-sharing website."

Some other Onion oldies which still stand the test of time:

Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere (lots of fairly bullshit curse words)

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Blockbuster Offers Glimpse of Movie Renting Past

posted by bologna on wry (60 comments total)

These are gold.
posted by greermahoney at 7:41 PM on July 1, 2018

The Onion: As fake as FoxNews, but a helluva lot funnier.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:06 PM on July 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

The Onion isn’t fake. It’s just literature. It’s the realest thing out there. I’m being serious, they are killing it lately.
Just had to get that off my chest. I won’t hear the Onion being called fake or compared to Fox.
posted by bleep at 8:14 PM on July 1, 2018 [33 favorites]

Way back in ancient 1996 I had a friend studying abroad who I sent paper printouts of Onion articles so they could "keep up with the news back home". They had never heard of the Onion, so hilarity ensued. It took months before they figured out it was all a big bunch of jokes; it was the person-on-the-street segments always using the same people that gave it away.
posted by peeedro at 8:26 PM on July 1, 2018 [17 favorites]

MacBook Wheel FTW. Pause the video whenever there is text.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:41 PM on July 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

Man, of all the awesome satire out there, I have to give the Onion special props for its LGBT-inspired humor over the past two decades.

Way too many to list here, but one classic that always makes me laugh:

Masculine Halloween Costumes For Your Effeminate Son (YT)
posted by darkstar at 8:44 PM on July 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

"The police report that the sudoku killer will kill either 1, 4, or 9 victims next."

Plus the joke after that one, which is way dark so I won't quote here but I found so funny, likely because it speaks to my own fears.
posted by traveler_ at 8:44 PM on July 1, 2018 [11 favorites]

Hard to whittle down all the good Onion articles, but here's a recent one that had me LOLing:

Talkative Motherfucker Not So Extroverted Now That Friend Got Off Train.

...which reminded me of this oldie but goodie: Area Man Goes And Gets Himself Hit By A Goddamn Bus.
posted by zardoz at 11:15 PM on July 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

Christ, article a video
posted by Paragon at 11:22 PM on July 1, 2018 [13 favorites]

A couple of recent favourites.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:26 PM on July 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

bleep: There are facts, and then there is truth.
posted by BiggerJ at 11:54 PM on July 1, 2018

Man Offended By Rude Female Coworker Continuing To Speak Over Him After He Clearly Interrupted Her

Breaking news!
posted by chavenet at 1:56 AM on July 2, 2018 [17 favorites]

Historians Suggest ‘Goodfellas’ YouTube Clips May Be Fragments Of Larger Work
posted by thelonius at 3:30 AM on July 2, 2018 [8 favorites]

Best headline ever
Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality
posted by farlukar at 3:30 AM on July 2, 2018 [32 favorites]

Paragon - I cannot stop laughing at that one! Oh my god that is me every single damn day.

These are all fantastic.
posted by bologna on wry at 3:46 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

this is a favorite of mine
posted by james33 at 4:18 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

My favourite thing about Christ, Article a Video was that, when it appeared on the Onion website, it was as an article.
posted by Merus at 4:30 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

National Funk Congress Deadlocked On Get Up/Get Down Issue
posted by Aznable at 4:43 AM on July 2, 2018 [7 favorites]

I thought the recent Onion Social story arc was really well done, and the videos with the Zuck-like CEO were actually entertaining.
posted by kimberussell at 5:18 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

My all time favorite headline was Largemouth Bass has Largemouth Sass
posted by ian1977 at 5:47 AM on July 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

It seems to be pre-internet because I can't find an actual Onion link, but back in the early '90s the Christopher Walken hot dogs essay was a perennial e-mail/usenet favorite.
posted by lagomorphius at 5:51 AM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Their videos are on-point. They've done a series of VICE spoofs. This is a good place to start: Inside The Japanese Subculture Of Ignoring American Reporters Even If They're Rad As Hell
posted by duffell at 5:55 AM on July 2, 2018 [6 favorites]

Another classic from the nineties: Clinton Threatens To Drop Da Bomb on Iraq
posted by nickmark at 5:57 AM on July 2, 2018

“Millions of americans wake up to realize, fuck, it’s only Tuesday” - came out on the Tuesday print edition a decade and a half back or so.
posted by nikaspark at 6:06 AM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Beaver Overthinking Dam will always be the one closest to my heart.
posted by HumanComplex at 6:38 AM on July 2, 2018 [6 favorites]

1-800-EAT-SHIT Finally Publishes Decades Of Reckless-Driving Data
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:40 AM on July 2, 2018 [20 favorites]

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Tech Trends is wonderful. I think the HP Cloud episode is my favourite so far, just because I think I've worked with that marketing guy. "That is definitely something that people do, and they will be doing it with HP" and "We have 4G, 5G, 6G, really, all the Gs. We have App!" set my teeth so perfectly on edge.

I love their longform stuff as well. Sex House is so completely wrong and so completely right at the same time, and if you have not binge-watched Helcomb County Municipal Lake Dredge Appraisal you have no idea what quality TV is all about.
posted by flabdablet at 6:58 AM on July 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

The Onion isn’t fake. It’s just literature.

Just the like Weekly World News.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 7:08 AM on July 2, 2018

I love how a great Onion headline can turn on a single word:

Repeal Of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Paves Way For Gay Sex Right On Battlefield, Opponents Fantasize

This story's also a great example of how, just when you think the joke's over, the final sentence gives the knife one last full rotation.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:37 AM on July 2, 2018 [12 favorites]

I was reminded of Dept. Head Rawlings around early 2017, thinking wistfully: he wouldn't put up with this business.

The single most memorable Onion piece I read was a news brief that I can't find any longer. It was about a man daydreaming about a painless way to kill his entire family and burn the house. It was so simple, so plain, so real -- I wonder if they didn't take it down because it was too disturbing. (That, or it was anthologized.)

Also, I've had a weird one-sided relationship with the concept of Jean Teasdale for years. There is something in me that is terrified of becoming her. Taken together, I think the Jean Teasdale columns are as good as a novel.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:41 AM on July 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

As long as we're posting favorites: I Just Love Corporations!

I laughed at this article when I first saw it (back in high school), but was amazed when I entered the world of office work and discovered people like this really exist. There but for the grace of God...
posted by duffell at 7:53 AM on July 2, 2018

> The single most memorable Onion piece I read was a news brief that I can't find any longer. It was about a man daydreaming about a painless way to kill his entire family and burn the house. It was so simple, so plain, so real -- I wonder if they didn't take it down because it was too disturbing. (That, or it was anthologized.)

Similarly, in the mid-90s they had a story after the TWA Flight 800 disaster about the FAA mandating longer bomb fuses on airplanes that was hilarious at the time specifically because it was so dark and horrible so soon after the accident. The story was off their site for a long time so I'm kind of surprised to find it there now.
posted by ardgedee at 7:57 AM on July 2, 2018

Let's not forget to mention The Onion's Buzzfeedy spinoff ClickHole, which recently produced its own spin-offs called PatriotHole and ResistanceHole. My favourite part of that being that both PatriotHole and ResistanceHole are just filtered and rebranded portals for viewing articles that originally ran on ClickHole itself.

My other favourite thing about ResistanceHole is that it proves how intellectually and comedically bankrupt the right actually is, because look at the hilarious shit that the "liberal media" can cook up to poke fun at itself.
posted by tobascodagama at 8:07 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

People have mentioned a lot of my favorites so far, but missing is a personal fav from their historical volume. Holy Shit Man Walks On Fucking Moon
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:29 AM on July 2, 2018 [6 favorites]

This oldie-but-goodie will forever reside close to my heart.
posted by hanov3r at 8:32 AM on July 2, 2018

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades is something I think about several times a year.
posted by gc at 8:51 AM on July 2, 2018 [11 favorites]

I have a soft spot for the surrealism of Point-Counterpoint.
As far as headlines, "Boss' Dick Not Going To Suck Itself" is hard to beat.
posted by fFish at 9:17 AM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

Similarly, in the mid-90s they had a story after the TWA Flight 800 disaster about the FAA mandating longer bomb fuses on airplanes that was hilarious at the time specifically because it was so dark and horrible so soon after the accident.

Their first issue post-9/11 should have won a Pulitzer Prize and I'm not even exaggerating.
posted by tzikeh at 9:19 AM on July 2, 2018 [11 favorites]

‘This Will Be The End Of Trump’s Campaign,’ Says Increasingly Nervous Man For Seventh Time This Year

2015.
posted by memento maury at 9:28 AM on July 2, 2018 [11 favorites]

It's Not A Crack House, It's A Crack Home (1996, also the year they gave us a point/counterpoint debate between a humidifier and a dehumidifier, which is a bit hard to read now because of the current formatting).
posted by adamg at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Disney Finds Dozens Of Unauthorized Characters Appearing Inside Theme Park

While security reportedly kicks out an average of 20 unauthorized characters each day from the theme park and Disney Family Breakfasts at onsite hotel properties, sources stated that nearly all return to the premises. Disney workers claimed that some reenter park property within just hours of their expulsion, citing in particular a muskrat named King Stumpy as well as a boisterous prospector character calling himself Grandpappy Gizzards, who has been forcibly removed from Frontierland every day since mid-February.

Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook

Cook presented the bizarre, malformed new product to stunned silence during a media event at Apple headquarters, revealing a device that, while vaguely similar to a computer in certain respects, appeared to be encased in a thick, flesh-like coating that was visibly moist and engorged.
posted by Servo5678 at 10:02 AM on July 2, 2018

‘This Will Be The End Of Trump’s Campaign,’ Says Increasingly Nervous Man For Seventh Time This Year

Even more prescient, from 2012: After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
posted by duffell at 10:22 AM on July 2, 2018 [15 favorites]

I remember fondly receiving the actual newspaper in the mail, too. And I've had an Onion decal on the back of my car since forever and a day. I've gotten out of the habit of checking the site frequently, but this thread has renewed my zeal.

Here's another just-picture-and-caption that ALWAYS makes me laugh: Controversial Christian Faction Believes Jesus Was Nailed To Two Parallel Pieces Of Wood

And the good ol' story Getting Mom Onto Internet A Sisyphean Ordeal, which I remember reading back in the day and dyin'.
posted by bologna on wry at 10:46 AM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Roof on Fire Claims Lives of 43 Party People

"I tried shouting to the people on the dance floor that the roof was on fire and that they should exit the premises immediately, but they seemed unfazed by the danger," firefighter Michael Pitti said. "I just kept shouting, 'The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!' and so forth, but they just went right on dancing, insisting that they didn't need any of our water and that we should let the motherfucker burn."
...
"DJ Phreek Malik was spinning in a manner so hot, these party people were willing to give up their lives for a few extra minutes on the dance floor," New York City fire commissioner Thomas Von Essen said. "Even as a 50-foot-high wall of flames surged toward them, they continued to dance, throwing their hands in the air and waving them as if they just didn't care."
...
The fire is New York's deadliest since 1978, when 117 party people burned, baby, burned to death in a South Bronx disco inferno.

posted by kirkaracha at 11:08 AM on July 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

YES kirkaracha! hahahahaha, I forgot about that one.

Oh my. This whole thread wins a cookie! Which someone else will need to bake up because uh, yeah, I don't do stuff that requires oven mitts. Or an oven.
posted by bologna on wry at 11:37 AM on July 2, 2018

My first encounter with the Onion as an undergrad was mindbending at the time.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 11:43 AM on July 2, 2018

Dad Suggests Arriving at Airport 14 Hours Early is maybe the truest thing the Onion has ever produced.
posted by just_ducky at 12:20 PM on July 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

On my deathbed I will be laughing at "War on String may be Unwinnable, says Cat General".
posted by acrasis at 2:12 PM on July 2, 2018 [6 favorites]

8 Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina

His dazed state, public defecating and lack of clothing suggest that he is a mentally ill homeless man who was seeking shelter.
posted by megafauna at 2:19 PM on July 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

It's an oldie but goodie, I chuckle every time I think about Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue.
posted by peeedro at 2:22 PM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

My favorite... I've even considered creating a new MeFi account named 'Mired in Sunbeam'.

Cat Congress Mired in Sunbeam
posted by hydra77 at 2:43 PM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.
posted by Xalf at 3:35 PM on July 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

Still my fave.
posted by parki at 5:09 PM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

This one will forever stick in my mind because it's the first time I remember laughing out loud after 9/11.

That and the very descriptive language.
posted by zakur at 5:37 PM on July 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

I would rate Clickhole a success just for the ClickVentures, but then they went and did Which One Of My Garbage Sons Are You?

They sell a "Dreaded Laramie" t-shirt that I have been tempted by several times even though I already own too many t-shirts as-is.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:27 PM on July 2, 2018

Here is the cover of their first issue back after 9/11 that I mentioned above. Here are links to most of the articles, although it is missing the TV schedule, which was fucking gold ("Yo! MTV Commiserates," "CBS News: 9PM: Dan Rather Loses His Shit," Animal Planet's "Fuck It; Here's Some Zebra Footage," and one channel showing nothing but Golden Girls reruns...).
posted by tzikeh at 7:39 PM on July 2, 2018 [5 favorites]

ahem
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 9:41 PM on July 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

Their horoscopes are great too.
posted by Paul Slade at 1:06 PM on July 3, 2018 [1 favorite]

“Pisces

Pluto rising in your sign this week indicates vast trouble ahead, as you really shouldn’t be able to see it with the naked eye like that.”


:-D
posted by darkstar at 1:17 PM on July 3, 2018 [2 favorites]

This one's pretty good:

Once again, you’ll be saved from boredom by the fact that matches are often given away for free in establishments that sell alcohol.

But my summer horoscope from Jacobin was better:

Your early summer is a Coexist bumper sticker. Your later summer is a Subvert the Dominant Paradigm bumper sticker. As fall approaches you will be in full ABOLISH PRISONS spray paint stencil mode. Some real ass shit bout to go down this year.

posted by duffell at 7:00 PM on July 3, 2018 [1 favorite]