Words failed me in Finnish, so I came out in English
April 10, 2021 3:05 AM Subscribe
In 2010, the language still hadn’t caught up. “Homo,” the term in popular usage, was the same word bullies used. “Gay,” although foreign and new to me, felt more welcoming and safe. After I came out, I moved to London and then New York and lived in English. I discovered that “gay” also means “happy”; that “queerness” denotes so much more than just sexual orientation. The vagueness is there by design: These words encompass all forms of queer life and recast them in a more positive light. In English, I found more room to breathe, to evolve.
Part of the reason for this has to do with history: The gay rights movement originated in the United States; English is the movement’s de facto mother tongue. Unlike elsewhere in the world, where silence has done a lot of the talking for gay people, in the Anglo-American world, queer life has been vocal for a long time.
I feel like I am obliged to point out that the word homosexual (well homosexuell) originated in German in the 1870s, coined for the purpose of having a neutral word to talk about homosexuality (primarily men having sex with men, IIRC). What we think of as the modern gay rights movement originates in the US and in English (see the organization in the UK called Stonewall and Pride being called Christopher Street Day in German), but it's good, too, to remember our history is longer.
posted by hoyland at 7:23 AM on April 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by hoyland at 7:23 AM on April 10, 2021 [8 favorites]
The article is paywalled in my country. I'd love to read it. It seems to be one of those things where the Nordic nations are wildly different.
My great aunt (born 1918) was lesbian, and I had several homosexual "aunties" and "uncles", close friends of my parents.
I'm not saying there weren't bigots in Denmark, I stopped seeing one of my best friends because her husband expressed the most horrific opinions. But I find it hard to imagine that anyone from here would "come out in English"
posted by mumimor at 7:48 AM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
My great aunt (born 1918) was lesbian, and I had several homosexual "aunties" and "uncles", close friends of my parents.
I'm not saying there weren't bigots in Denmark, I stopped seeing one of my best friends because her husband expressed the most horrific opinions. But I find it hard to imagine that anyone from here would "come out in English"
posted by mumimor at 7:48 AM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
In icelandic the word gay was literaly translated, to “hýr”. But it never really caught on.
I feel the language-space of the finns and us is probably similar, but the mentality is somewhat different. Can’t quite pin it down, but those I know can be somewhat more solidified in negative mores, while we tend to roll with the punches. My gay friends were big on reclaiming the slurs, and “hommi” (same as “homo”, really), is the prevalent word for a gay man, and I have not seen any attempts to change the terminology, as the underlying meaning was attacked instead.
But it varies if societies are ready to address the root problem or have to make due with modifying language and creating taboos. Sometimes that’s as far as a society can get? I do feel that just polishing the language leaves the rotten core to fester, so it should not be the first line of approach. And it gives a group social power, but at the cost of building a new trust and reapect. But I live in a small corner of the world, experiences vary and so on, so my views are just views.
I know they didn’t work in finland, or at least not yet.
posted by svenni at 9:47 AM on April 10, 2021
I feel the language-space of the finns and us is probably similar, but the mentality is somewhat different. Can’t quite pin it down, but those I know can be somewhat more solidified in negative mores, while we tend to roll with the punches. My gay friends were big on reclaiming the slurs, and “hommi” (same as “homo”, really), is the prevalent word for a gay man, and I have not seen any attempts to change the terminology, as the underlying meaning was attacked instead.
But it varies if societies are ready to address the root problem or have to make due with modifying language and creating taboos. Sometimes that’s as far as a society can get? I do feel that just polishing the language leaves the rotten core to fester, so it should not be the first line of approach. And it gives a group social power, but at the cost of building a new trust and reapect. But I live in a small corner of the world, experiences vary and so on, so my views are just views.
I know they didn’t work in finland, or at least not yet.
posted by svenni at 9:47 AM on April 10, 2021
And to respond to mumimor, I feel that bigots always just got their space too. I challenge bigoted views, but I don’t reject bigots. It feels like this is an “old world” attitude, and certainly I don’t belong to the groups that said bigotry is directed against, so that makes this easier.
But the underlying ethos that I suspect we share with you, our former colonial masters, is that “to each his own” applies both to things like sexuality *and* views.
Not justifying it mind you, just thinking out loud about the social environment that often seems remarkably liberal.
But the finns are also separate, they are in a different language group, have much deeper national trauma from wars with the russians and long stints without self-determination, and, frankly, the worst weather :)
So generalisations about the nordics really only apply to the three main countries, that almost share a language, and even then, you must account for urban vs rural and so on,
My finn ex was from a rural area, the air of homophobia sounds very much like the genral repressed ambiance she ascribes to her home.
posted by svenni at 9:59 AM on April 10, 2021
But the underlying ethos that I suspect we share with you, our former colonial masters, is that “to each his own” applies both to things like sexuality *and* views.
Not justifying it mind you, just thinking out loud about the social environment that often seems remarkably liberal.
But the finns are also separate, they are in a different language group, have much deeper national trauma from wars with the russians and long stints without self-determination, and, frankly, the worst weather :)
So generalisations about the nordics really only apply to the three main countries, that almost share a language, and even then, you must account for urban vs rural and so on,
My finn ex was from a rural area, the air of homophobia sounds very much like the genral repressed ambiance she ascribes to her home.
posted by svenni at 9:59 AM on April 10, 2021
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posted by Braeburn at 5:36 AM on April 10, 2021 [5 favorites]