We weren't welcomed by our AI overlords... 1 star.

January 4, 2023 5:46 PM

The folks at the myfavouritecottages.co.uk trip-booking site decided to have some fun in their "inspirations" blog: "So, what do tourist attractions look like in the eyes of their harshest critics? . . . By analysing one-star reviews on Trip Advisor, we found complaints about the experience at each attraction, and AI [DALL-E 2] did the rest." [VIA IFLS]
posted by not_on_display (19 comments total)

From the Brighton pier review:
The pier itself was apparently “slippery” and “littered,” with “full bins” and “paint falling off.”
That's what every English seaside pier has been like since at least the 1970's. It's traditional.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 6:16 PM on January 4, 2023 [14 favorites]

The Angel of the North does look like a rusty upended airplane (with calves). But I'm ok with that. I never really understood about tourist attractions, and these 1-star review folks haven't learned yet that they just aren't cut out to be tourists.
posted by aniola at 7:19 PM on January 4, 2023 [3 favorites]

This would be funnier if it didn't just keep repeating; queues, crowding and rubbish.
posted by krisjohn at 7:25 PM on January 4, 2023 [9 favorites]

How the hell did The Tower escape the "overcrowded" tag that just about every other one received?
posted by pompomtom at 7:56 PM on January 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

The tower: “pure chaos,” with “screaming children everywhere,” “long queues,” and “dirty toilets”
posted by aniola at 8:11 PM on January 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

Giant's Causeway: Its beauty was described as “over-exaggerated,” and the attraction was referred to as “just a pile of odd-shaped rocks.”

Would have also accepted "More crowded than that Led Zeppelin album cover would have you believe. VERY misleading!"
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:26 PM on January 4, 2023 [8 favorites]

All the headless, shapeless bodies are pretty unnerving.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:36 PM on January 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

All the headless, shapeless bodies are pretty unnerving.

Not nice to gawk innit
posted by grobstein at 9:08 PM on January 4, 2023 [4 favorites]

No dall-e, but more fun: One star Yelp reviews of national parks.
posted by kaibutsu at 10:43 PM on January 4, 2023

Metafilter: “pure chaos,” with “screaming children everywhere,” “long queues,” and “dirty toilets”
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 11:19 PM on January 4, 2023 [3 favorites]

Excuse me, pure chaos with screaming fiftysomethings everywhere.
posted by away for regrooving at 11:41 PM on January 4, 2023 [6 favorites]

For those who don't know it, the Angel of the North is made from Corten steel and is therefore meant to be rusty. It's splendid.
posted by bifurcated at 1:27 AM on January 5, 2023

I did laugh that DALL-E thought the Angel of the North is basically 10 feet tall. The real one is a bit... bigger.

I live near Stonehenge though, and yup, that's a fairly accurate picture of the experience. (though the stones are even less regular than DALL-E thinks)
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 4:46 AM on January 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

I also wanted to nitpick at this complaint about stonehenge, that it's just "large-scale rubble in a vague circle.”

They're big ass stones that are up to ~5000 years old, and it was changed repeatedly over a span of about 1500 years. Initially it was a giant bank and ditch with just timber structures. Then they brought bluestones 150 miles from Wales, at least some from an existing stone circle there. Basically, they had rope, wooden mallets, wedges and maybe some bronze tools. The most current theory now is they were literally dragged on sledges entirely overland, rather than partly by raft round the coast - with the bluestones weighing 2-5 tons each. Try to imagine the amount of people, effort and supplies they would have needed at a time when we were still figuring out how to do farming, sheep were a fancy foreign import, most of the country was covered in dense woodland, and the earliest known wheel in Britain wouldn't exist for 1500 years. Why they did this remains a mystery, though there are a number of bodies buried at the site from this time frame and likely was used as a enclosed cremation cemetery.

Then a few hundred years later, they dragged 30 more 25-ton giant sarcens from a quarry 16 miles away, chipped them into shape with vast quantities of small shaping stones, dug huge pits with antler picks, and lifted the new stones up to standing in a circle. AND carved mortise and tenon joints into the top of the standing stones, so they could rest 30 more lintel stones (with tongue and groove joints) on top - lifting them up 16 feet above the fucking ground, and shaped how they would look from the ground perspective. Plus the trilithon stones in the middle, up to 50 tons each. And then they moved the bluestones around into several different patterns in and around the circle, over the next 1000 years! And the several miles of parallel ditch and bank avenue they built to the river Avon, and the wood clearances, and the many, many smaller circles and stone monuments in the area...

And 3500 years later, some of it is *still standing* just as they built it. Try to imagine any of our modern buildings lasting that long.

"large-scale rubble in a vague circle." Fucking tourists.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 7:49 AM on January 5, 2023 [5 favorites]

And 3500 years later, some of it is *still standing* just as they built it. Try to imagine any of our modern buildings lasting that long.

Uh, sadly no. Most of what we think of as Stonehenge now is a series of reconstructions. Here are some photos of it in the 1950s and 60s being rebuilt and stuck in place with concrete. This page has some photos from the 1880s where Stonehenge is looking more like stone pile.

That’s why these AI things piss me off; we already have enough problems with the history of real things. Now we have to deal with a raft of images telling counterfactual narratives.
posted by The River Ivel at 8:10 AM on January 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

They re-lifted and secured only some of the stones at various stages; so while what we see now is definitely due to those repairs, significant parts were still very much still standing before they did it. Part of the problem was wear and damage by visitors.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 8:24 AM on January 5, 2023 [1 favorite]

I drove past Stonehenge again last week. Didn't bother to stop. Just can't get excited for it.
posted by biffa at 8:58 AM on January 5, 2023

Tourists complaining about other tourists is always mildly amusing. It's like people in traffic jams complaining about cars.
posted by meowzilla at 10:51 AM on January 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

At Stonehenge you can do that too. There is always, always, a delay there due to people slowing down.
posted by biffa at 3:58 AM on January 6, 2023