He was stupid. But I was already in love with him.
May 18, 2024 12:17 PM Subscribe
On average, marriages around the world don’t last terribly long. The average is eight years in the United States. Ten years in Singapore. Five years in France. And the key reasons couples cite for divorcing are always the same: extramarital affairs. Lack of intimacy. Lack of commitment. Add to that the stresses of work. Especially if your work is having sex with other people. From RIP Jose and Daniele Duval: Enduring, Forever Love [The Rialto Report] (NSFW photos and text)
There are some wild twists and turns in the story, and in a lot of the photos everyone has those 1980s cocaine eyes and grins. Although the overall theme is quite sweet and fun, there are some less-great moments, too:
We sold everything that wasn’t nailed down, and with the money we made, we left town. We left our boys with my parents and we went back to Cannes. To be honest, my mother was thrilled because she had always wanted to be the kids’ mother even more than their grandmother. She was obsessed with youth and young people.
One day the kids asked my mother “Can we call you ‘Mother’?”, and my mom said “Yes”. This really upset me. Even though we’d left the kids behind, the plan was always to reunite with them. But when my mother treated them like her own, that really changed the situation. I wound up not speaking to her for 12 years after that. And consequently we didn’t see the kids either. We clung to the thought that we would get our kids back later, but that just never wound up happening.
posted by Dip Flash at 12:51 PM on May 18 [15 favorites]
We sold everything that wasn’t nailed down, and with the money we made, we left town. We left our boys with my parents and we went back to Cannes. To be honest, my mother was thrilled because she had always wanted to be the kids’ mother even more than their grandmother. She was obsessed with youth and young people.
One day the kids asked my mother “Can we call you ‘Mother’?”, and my mom said “Yes”. This really upset me. Even though we’d left the kids behind, the plan was always to reunite with them. But when my mother treated them like her own, that really changed the situation. I wound up not speaking to her for 12 years after that. And consequently we didn’t see the kids either. We clung to the thought that we would get our kids back later, but that just never wound up happening.
posted by Dip Flash at 12:51 PM on May 18 [15 favorites]
.
For Daniele and Jose . I've never married, but for whatever reason, I'm always happy when I hear about an especially long marriage.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:22 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
For Daniele and Jose . I've never married, but for whatever reason, I'm always happy when I hear about an especially long marriage.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:22 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
So he wasn't Dad of the year. At least he tried!
posted by Czjewel at 1:47 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
posted by Czjewel at 1:47 PM on May 18 [1 favorite]
Ah, the road not taken.
Ok, who am I kidding? If I found myself on the set of an adult movie, I'd be obsessing over the film gear.
posted by Artful Codger at 2:17 PM on May 18 [6 favorites]
Ok, who am I kidding? If I found myself on the set of an adult movie, I'd be obsessing over the film gear.
posted by Artful Codger at 2:17 PM on May 18 [6 favorites]
This is hard to Google because lots of people repeat it, but it seems like that's actually the average among marriages that end in divorce.
Yes, it is specifically the average length of first marriages that end in divorce. Significantly less than half of first marriages end in divorce ever, so the majority of first marriages last for decades (the stats get significantly worse for second and third marriages).
posted by ssg at 2:55 PM on May 18 [9 favorites]
Yes, it is specifically the average length of first marriages that end in divorce. Significantly less than half of first marriages end in divorce ever, so the majority of first marriages last for decades (the stats get significantly worse for second and third marriages).
posted by ssg at 2:55 PM on May 18 [9 favorites]
I was going to say that the figures seemed off. Even in my own circle, I know many couples who have been together, apparently happily, for decades. My cousin, and another girl I went to school with, are each still married to their high school boyfriends; I know four gay and lesbian couples (two of each) who have been together on average for over forty years. And this is not in a small town, but a (reasonably) large city, Seattle-sized more or less.
posted by jokeefe at 3:13 PM on May 18 [3 favorites]
posted by jokeefe at 3:13 PM on May 18 [3 favorites]
Jose and Daniele. Am I wrong to say a Karass of just two?
posted by jokeefe at 3:15 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
posted by jokeefe at 3:15 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
I was introduced to sex very early. We had a maid, a good one, who was about 16 years old. She initiated me when I was just seven or eight years old. Her and her sister. I guess she was fooling around with American soldiers and was afraid to get pregnant. I think she looked at me and thought I was a safer option.
Oh. Oh dear.
posted by jokeefe at 3:21 PM on May 18 [12 favorites]
Oh. Oh dear.
posted by jokeefe at 3:21 PM on May 18 [12 favorites]
*finishes article* Damn. An entire lifetime dedicated to nothing but the senses, to hedonism, sex, and drugs. I can't really see their story as anything to admire-- not with abandoning their children, and making their money selling cocaine-- but it is interesting.
posted by jokeefe at 3:36 PM on May 18 [10 favorites]
posted by jokeefe at 3:36 PM on May 18 [10 favorites]
marriages around the world don’t last terribly long. The average is eight years in the United States.
I wish they could break this stuff down more, because I suspect the answer is “some people marry for romantic reasons, others for economic reasons. Marriages based on economic reasons appear less attractive when the economic incentives change, and this contributes to marital unhappiness, which causes divorces.”
posted by corb at 5:39 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
I wish they could break this stuff down more, because I suspect the answer is “some people marry for romantic reasons, others for economic reasons. Marriages based on economic reasons appear less attractive when the economic incentives change, and this contributes to marital unhappiness, which causes divorces.”
posted by corb at 5:39 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
An interesting read. I can't imagine living that lifestyle without becoming jaded and cynical, becoming addicted to drugs, an alcoholic, or just plain having liver failure from the constant drinking. (A bottle a day?!!) I was waiting till AIDS was mentioned, as I kind of knew that it was pretty rampant in the porn industry around that time. Avoiding STDs, especially chlamydia and herpes apparently wasn't something they were overly concerned with either. That isn't something you'd generally bring up in an article, but I can't imagine that they wouldn't have had at least a brush or two with STDs given that many partners.
I'm happy for them that they had each other. They don't seem to have many, if any, regrets about how they lived their lives and hadn't suffered in their older age and retirement.
They certainly were failures as parents. Unfortunately, the expectation at that period was 1. Marry. 2. Have children. Most people would have just knuckled under to the 9-5 existence. Doesn't sound like they'd have been good at that. Most likely the best thing they did for the kids was just leave them and not involve them their lifestyle.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:40 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
I'm happy for them that they had each other. They don't seem to have many, if any, regrets about how they lived their lives and hadn't suffered in their older age and retirement.
They certainly were failures as parents. Unfortunately, the expectation at that period was 1. Marry. 2. Have children. Most people would have just knuckled under to the 9-5 existence. Doesn't sound like they'd have been good at that. Most likely the best thing they did for the kids was just leave them and not involve them their lifestyle.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:40 PM on May 18 [2 favorites]
Wow.. true love and total lack of self reflection. Fascinating story and I love the Rialto Report!
posted by latkes at 6:35 AM on May 19 [2 favorites]
posted by latkes at 6:35 AM on May 19 [2 favorites]
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If you check the data in table 10, it looks like about half of people who first married 35 yes ago are still married to the same person. This isn't exactly proof, since it's possible that Weddings Georg has had thousands of very short marriages which brings the mean marriage length down (or lots of people are marrying on their deathbeds for pension/social security reasons). But it definitely shows that the 8 year figure is very misleading at best.
posted by novalis_dt at 12:45 PM on May 18 [40 favorites]