MetaFilter

Father of only daughters, have male friends who are fathers of sons. It is quite easy in the 2020s to raise daughters who aren't compelled to manifest toxic femininity: Daughter 1 has all kinds of traditionally girly interests (costume design, bread baking), but came upon them out of genuine interest; Daughter 2 is way more androgynous but also way straighter than D1. Neither one of them gives a shit about Tik Tok, makeup trends, or boys who are future toxic men.

My... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by outgrown_hobnail at 7:42 AM on June 5, 2024

Anyway, I think this here looks like a conversation about men, not for men.
posted to MetaFilter by ambrosen at 7:41 AM on June 5, 2024

Yeesh, this thread is such a perfect example of what the article is talking about that it's almost self-parody.

There's a reason adolescent and young men are being drawn to the Andrew Tates and Joe Rogans of the world. Sure, part of that is misogyny and racism and privilege and the like. But there really is a deep, genuine need in boys and young men for help and guidance in a world where you're still raised to believe that emotions are weakness and to never show... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by star gentle uterus at 7:15 AM on June 5, 2024

What I never hear is what the fuck MEN are doing.

They’re going to therapy more. They’re building support groups. They’re reaching out to friends and family and seeking out information on their own.

And they’re still killing themselves at an astronomical rate. I work with these men (as well as women and others) every day. It is so easy to assign all of the worst traits of the group to those struggling the most, but I can... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by brook horse at 7:09 AM on June 5, 2024

The TFA's conclusion sounds good to me:

We need to acknowledge boys’ feelings, to talk with our sons in the same way we do our daughters, to hear them and empathize rather than dismiss or minimize, and engage with them as fully emotional beings.

They are more than ready to talk. We just need to make sure we are listening.
posted to MetaFilter by doctornemo at 6:53 AM on June 5, 2024

god damn this thing needs to know more about guessable species names, and less about goddamn mid-level taxa
posted to MetaFilter by away for regrooving at 12:24 AM on June 5, 2024

yeah, I had the same problem with the allowed words to guess, no mimosa for me.
posted to MetaFilter by ivan ivanych samovar at 1:23 PM on June 4, 2024

Mimosoideae?! Then why couldn't I guess mimosa as a soon as I saw Fabaceae?! ANd neither locust tree is allowed as a guess. Eventually I typed each letter of the alphabet to see which plants were on their list to see what could be reasonable guesses.
posted to MetaFilter by ockmockbock at 12:47 PM on June 4, 2024

Jesus H Christ, I narrowed it down to Acacia and then it won't provide more hints. Wikipedia helpfully tells me "There are about 1080 species of Acacia"

WHAT IS THIS DAMN PLANT
posted to MetaFilter by caution live frogs at 11:56 AM on June 4, 2024

I am a lawyer, I am not your lawyer, for the love of God do not do what Jane the Brown is suggesting unless you want to breach this agreement. Talk to your lawyer to see if you can get a limitation on the clauses - perhaps they only last two years? However, if it's a mutual non-disparagement clause, that might not be good for you.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by notjustthefish at 7:07 AM on June 4, 2024

The best, most insightful description of this phenomenon I've seen was stuck in the middle of a 2014 video about the game developer Phil Fish.

To quote:


Now, people don't hate Nickelback because they think the music is bad. People think loads of music is bad and don't give it any further thought. People hate Nickelback because the music is bad and popular.

But it's more complicated than... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Flaffigan at 8:27 AM on June 3, 2024

Can people saying "they're bad and overplayed, duh" actually read the article, because it addresses both those points... what's really interesting is how they chose to quantify "overplayed" and "repetitive" and then compare Nickelback to other commercially successful bands to see how much MORE overplayed and repetitive they are... I'm left wondering why there's no meme about how much we all hate Fleetwood Mac.
posted to MetaFilter by subdee at 7:06 AM on June 3, 2024

You are looking for "practical accounts" of "dealing with a person" who "wants to get in a fight", so I'm not going to give the silly "just don't be in a bad neighborhood" advice. As you are aware, sometimes fights are unavoidable.

For a bunch of visceral, explicit videos of both real-life assaults and police actions which are analagous to them, you can check out the Active Self Protection Youtube channel.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by hypercomplexsimplicity at 11:59 AM on May 31, 2024

Do remember that Brooks is on his way out, as he lost his primary to the Trump-backed candidate.
posted to MetaFilter by NoxAeternum at 10:28 AM on May 31, 2024

The speculation is running wild in here, absolutely wild.
posted to MetaFilter by tiny frying pan at 6:58 PM on May 30, 2024

I think it's fleabane - I found some Minnesota photos and the leaves and bracts (new word!) look just like what I have. What if I just leave a patch of it? I need to mow some of it to keep the yard under control, but it looks like it will flower kind of prettily and I was going to put in some frost asters anyway and it looks a bit like asters.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 3:25 PM on May 30, 2024

I'd love to be a fly on the Thomas and Alito corpses.
posted to MetaFilter by DirtyOldTown at 3:43 PM on May 30, 2024

Hey, this sounds stressful. Can I ask why you planned such a long visit? I know it’s a slog to travel across the country, but three weeks is a very long time!

Also, gently, it sounds like you had a big reaction, and then your mom had a big reaction, so I guess I am wondering if you are expecting her to regulate in a way you find challenging to do yourself? Is it possible for you both to give each other some grace?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bluedaisy at 11:09 PM on May 26, 2024

For folks complaining about the lack of mobile support, remember this game is almost ten years old and was part of a 72 hour game jam.
posted to MetaFilter by The Manwich Horror at 4:20 AM on May 26, 2024

I think the answer is really it depends. It's 100% clear that AI will not help me do my job and in fact will only make my job harder/worse. I don't know any scrupulous person doing my career who uses AI.

Will I eventually use it to...I dunno, write an email for me? Come up with a recipe? Plan a vacation? Surely not now, when it's so blindingly clear that much of what AI creates is rubbish. But maybe in the future?

To use RoadScholar's scale,... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by BlahLaLa at 9:59 AM on May 24, 2024

I like zara's approach: a facial expression of ... "im a woman in a major city and want none of your shit face". coupled with two or three slow, placid blinks telegraphing "here is yet another thing in the world that has nothing to do with me," then a brisk turn of the head to engage somebody else at the table: "Anyway, as we were saying,"

Varsity level, to which I always aspire but never reach, is... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Don Pepino at 10:31 AM on May 23, 2024 marked best answer

I just called down to the front desk and requested a plated dinner to go so I won't have to eat with anyone. One step at a time.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by intrepid_simpleton at 9:31 AM on May 23, 2024

A useful trick I learned in couples therapy that might apply here -- when someone you're close to says/does something that feels hurtful, instead of trying to pick it apart, or police it, take a step back and try to understand it. Yes, it will probably be useful and necessary at some point to talk with her about how this new policy of hers is impacting you -- but can you first get curious about her experience? And I mean truly curious about what it means for her, which means... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by attentionplease at 8:37 AM on May 23, 2024

it is sad to me that people are systematically discouraged from developing a meaningful, enjoyable relationship with maths, which is this expansive thing that appears across cultures and seems to spring from some very basic aspects of how people think and communicate about the world around them. it's usually taught in a bizarrely hostile and authoritarian way, and that's a tragedy, because facility with maths (the capacity for which is latent to an appreciable degree in pretty much everyone,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by busted_crayons at 7:08 AM on May 23, 2024

The wrist lanyards give me visions of you rolling over in the night - or, worse, stretching your arms out with a morning yawn - and absolutely braining your poor wife with a Kindle to the temple.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Klipspringer at 3:31 PM on May 22, 2024

I think it would be a pity if someone did it by accident. If it's part of a blatant, ongoing pattern of misquotes, minimization, and denial in support of the Israeli government's actions, I'd say it's something else.
posted to MetaFilter by sagc at 6:43 AM on May 16, 2024

Something to keep in mind - anxiety can be a coping mechanism for ADHD. ADHD means not enough dopamine. We need dopamine to do tasks. Anxiety provides dopamine and stimulation. (Highly simplified). But when it's just the same old anxiety day after day, it's no longer novel and rewarding (in brain terms), so you need more and more. And your brain keeps going back to the habit of being anxious even though it's not rewarding any more. Then you become paralyzed by anxiety and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lookoutbelow at 10:49 PM on May 15, 2024

There are soooo many jobs that don't involve the detail-oriented, somewhat monotonous, error-checking of accounting.

Whether you have adhd or not - given the above, what was it that drew you to accounting? Why do you want to do it?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Elysum at 7:01 PM on May 15, 2024

Nicotine by itself is not carcinogenic, and at normal doses is well tolerated. It raises blood pressure and the chance of a heart attack, but it's probably not as bad for your heart as, say, vyvanse or adderall or other ADHD meds. It has positive effects on cognition, and may have other benefits. The fear mongering around vaping is bizarre to me, even vaping by teens. It's far less harmful than, say, drinking alcohol. It's incredible how successful advocates have been at transferring the stigma... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dis_integration at 12:36 PM on May 15, 2024

Let's not pretend that nicotine and caffeine are the same thing, please

Nicotine by itself is probably more hazardous than caffeine, yes, but considerably less so than smoking. Vapes and smokeless products are in need of better regulation but obviously are the harm reduction approach.

(My comments here put together make me sound like a defensive vape guy but I assure you I’m not)
posted to MetaFilter by atoxyl at 12:17 PM on May 15, 2024

I wish I could stop smoking. I try to remind myself that the future may well not be a place I wanna be and to not feel too bad about the lost years of lives I've already taken from myself. Plus to be fair, for most of my life and when I started smoking, I expressly did not want to be alive at all. Now that I do, there is a really frustrating tension between my addiction and and wanting to not die horribly. I honestly wish they were not legal to sell, I find myself incapable of stopping of my... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by GoblinHoney at 9:11 AM on May 15, 2024

NYT: Frustrated by Gaza Coverage, Student Protesters Turn to Al Jazeera (archived)
posted to MetaFilter by Noisy Pink Bubbles at 7:38 AM on May 12, 2024

This item in the NYT suggests that at least some, if not many, of the military leadership in Israel are increasingly vocal about being hung out to dry in an unwinnable conflict with no plan for ending it:

Two Israeli officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to avoid professional repercussions, said some generals and members of the war cabinet were frustrated with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for failing to develop and announce a process for... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Dip Flash at 7:30 AM on May 14, 2024

Assume you get too many phone notifications for that to be useful

Just to be clear, you’re ruling out simply setting a recurring alarm on your phone? It seems like an alarm that needs to be turned off is going to be nearly impossible to miss, regardless of other notifications received.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by not just everyday big moggies at 3:07 PM on May 13, 2024

I think it's really normal for people who have really difficult parents to experience a lot of grief at their parents' death, same as anyone else might, but to experience it in the form of a sudden surge of grief for the loss of the parenting they didn't receive and now for certain are not going to get. You can even feel grief that you don't have the same grief that other people do, who miss their parents in more uncomplicated ways.

One trick for moving through it, is to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by quacks like a duck at 1:37 AM on May 11, 2024

Tumblr might work, but I don't know that much about posting there, and I'm curious about other possible solutions.

I was going to suggest Tumblr. It’s really easy to set-up and manage/post to. Honestly, I can’t think of anything else that checks your boxes quite as completely as Tumblr.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Thorzdad at 4:50 AM on May 9, 2024 marked best answer

I mean, Reagan scored legislative wins over the Democrats throughout, and didn't seem especially mentally competent. I'm not sure that Biden's legislative wins prove his mental acuity, any more than Bush Jr or Reagan's did.

A lot of people are required to work for those wins, and pretending that they're due to the mental acuity and singular political genius of one person seem like the kinda magical thinking that elevates presidents to king-like status.
posted to MetaFilter by whm at 8:28 PM on May 8, 2024

Diet studies that run for 8 weeks?

Do we not yet understand that nothing can be learned from those (other than "this diet will not kill you outright in 2 months")? Nothing at all, not even in principle?
posted to MetaFilter by Aardvark Cheeselog at 7:37 AM on May 8, 2024

metro, having been told by drake to shut up and make beats, has apparently released a disstrumental, and saying that whoever writes the best bars gets a brand new beat from him

and now it's going wild on tiktok, and as far as i know there are now french and japanese rappers getting in on the game
posted to MetaFilter by i used to be someone else at 1:46 PM on May 6, 2024

Rinku is not wrong. This isn't about making money; this is about Kendrick straight up fucking annihilating Drake's image.

And the whole thing has legs way, way outside of the usual hiphop audience.

I don't really know anything about hiphop but in the last week I've somehow become ambiently aware of how quietly relieved I am that Kendrick Lamar doesn't know or care that I exist.
posted to MetaFilter by mhoye at 10:28 AM on May 5, 2024

some of the lines in his songs about this are already legendary.

Seriously. "you not a colleague, you a fuckin' colonizer".

I think one thing that I find genuinely interesting about this is kind of how the rap/hip-hop scene has changed, as well - like, these accusations would not have been effective twenty years ago. But the world has changed, and now people get to come and be hard and still be like "hey,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by corb at 8:55 AM on May 5, 2024

"Let's pretend to fight with each other so as to attract attention and sell records! We'll laugh all the way to the bank!"

I'm really following this beef closely. Three people in my life, who I've tried to communicate to about why this beef is so entertaining, have had that as their first take. And, I get it, but it's wrong. What's thrilling about this is that, sure, there's some kayfabe involved in entertainers entertaining, but Kendrick... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Rinku at 8:24 AM on May 5, 2024

I love the way Lamar draws out that r on "tryna strike a chord and its probably a minorrrrrrrrr" -- brutal. That is all I have to say on this matter.
posted to MetaFilter by the primroses were over at 8:13 AM on May 5, 2024

It has to be considered if perhaps Bibi is actually Hamas's greatest hypeman. Because now Hamas is casually sauntering to the moral high ground, and do things like repeating their call to the ICC to also investigate them and also, via Al-Jazeera, release the full text of the ceasefire terms Israel said no to.

The US has experience being punked by guerilla movements though, so I hope there'll be a G2G peer exchange symposium soon.

Anyway:... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by cendawanita at 8:22 PM on May 6, 2024

I always appreciated the well-crafted tv theme song that summarized the entire backstory of the show in a catchy 1 minute ditty. The Nanny is a great example of this, but there are plenty more.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by platinum at 2:50 PM on May 6, 2024

I think of what my family did and it was:

1) Supported whatever genre of books I was reading. Was I reading every single book with dragons at the library? Great! Was I spending all my allowance on Rex Stout murder mysteries at garage sales? Wonderful! Have I decided I suddenly will read nothing but Archie comics? Let’s grab an anthology off the magazine rack!

2) Complete free range at the library. I could checkout any book from any section at... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by lepus at 11:33 PM on May 5, 2024

Instead of the how much and what that he is reading, focus your energy on the reading comprehension skills so many people lack. If he has a favorite book, series, comic, etc, read it too and ask him questions about it. Engage him in conversation. Ask why he thinks characters made the choices they did, what kind of stories he likes and dislikes and why, what he thinks the writer was trying to do with the story like explore an idea or spook the reader or make a really lovable character or show... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Mizu at 10:29 PM on May 5, 2024

Do you guys go to the public library? There’s a lot to be said for being able to physically wander around as a kid and choose a variety of print books that pique your interest instead of getting served ebook recommendations. When I was a kid I definitely read kid books, trashy adult romances, and literary fiction, because despite being otherwise very strict my parents let me choose whatever I wanted from the library. The freedom and the ability to exercise and hone my own taste was thrilling and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by stellaluna at 8:48 PM on May 5, 2024

But seriously what are the shared values that make closing Al-Jazeera okay (of which Israel can be friend2 with Malaysia since we also had a prime minister who closed the KL office in a huff. However I don't need a VPN to check news on the website though.)? Is it the same values that's now caused British-Palestinian doctor and University of Glasgow rector Ghassan Abu Sitta persona non grata in all of Europe? (I guess that's one benefit of Brexit; or else he'd be displaced again). At least he's... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by cendawanita at 6:18 PM on May 5, 2024