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I am so, so sorry. This is so hard. It doesn't matter how many times it happens. (I know many people take comfort in that Rainbow Bridge stuff and God knows I don't begrudge them that comfort, but I hate it.)

Dogs not only "know not the hour," they don't even know that there is an hour waiting for them. If their time with you was happy, then that was what mattered to them, in a way more complete than is true when we say the same thing… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:49 AM on June 10, 2024

You might also find this NYT column about why you "can't" publish an obituary in the NYT for a fellow like Finnegan, one of dog scientist Alexandra Horowitz's dogs, helpful.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:25 AM on June 11, 2024

There's usually a report in EV Grieve some time in the week beforehand. I don't think this one was caught, although I also didn't think they were too bad.

The historical tradition for these shows is very strong (you probably noted how old the band was!) and I don't think they're going away any time soon. You picked the East Village to live in...it's probably the most organic cultural tradition that's survived the bros.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 3:28 PM on June 9, 2024

Calling 311 on permitted activities that don't exceed the boundaries of the permit isn't going to accomplish much.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:59 AM on June 10, 2024

mskyle is correct. Main Cabin by itself can be cancelled for (full) credit but not a cash refund. Refundable Main should pop up as an "upgrade" option after you choose the Main price on the ticket matrix. There's also a box you can tick on the home page booking panel for "refundable fares."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 3:16 PM on June 9, 2024 marked best answer

With a sample size of 1, one person on Reddit got their basic economy ticket refunded.

This is likely correct, but I would really hate to have to try to navigate this process while grieving. Airlines are notoriously slow and obnoxious about these matters. Be kind to yourself and book refundable if you can afford it. If you can't, then at least you'll have this information in your back pocket.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 3:21 PM on June 9, 2024

You have to read the whole rule when you're analyzing airline policies. From that very page, just a bit further down in the same section:

"Cancellation fees are not applicable for the following tickets:

Delta Main Cabin and above tickets for travel within the U.S., Puerto Rico and USVI

Delta Main Cabin and above tickets for travel originating from the United States, Canada or the Caribbean to anywhere in the world… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:57 AM on June 10, 2024

We could litigate over every detail, but if your landlord's behavior is making you uncomfortable on a recurring basis, you're almost certainly picking up on something real. I'm not sure how long you have left on your lease and how your finances are--it's probably okay to tough the term out if you can't afford to break the lease and move right now, but when it expires, you should move (and ignore all sweeteners that may be offered to stay).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:31 AM on June 10, 2024

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby,
Sand and water and a million years gone by.

(Beth Nielsen Chapman, "Sand and Water")

I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:01 PM on June 9, 2024

Just in case you don't already know, going through security with your (non-service) dog can be something of an ordeal--you have to take them out of the carrier and carry (maybe walk, if they can comply) them through, get your hands swiped for explosives (if you don't have a trusted-traveler designation), and then try to get them back in the carrier while all collect their screened luggage around you and the bins pile up. Sometimes TSA is sympathetic, sometimes it's not.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 12:51 PM on June 9, 2024

As I get older and crustier, I tend to prefer the disambiguating usage to the hypertechnically correct one. But I wouldn't red-pencil either of them in this circumstance.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 12:48 PM on June 9, 2024

bluedaisy's script is just right. Practical items we choose to use in daily life get damaged. It should not be a big deal. Just be straightforward about it and compensate her. And if it's going to stress her out that much, use your own plates in the future.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:16 PM on June 8, 2024

It's 100% not a big deal in the real world!

It's not, but it's a deal in OP and roommate's home. I don't think OP should wear sackcloth and ashes over this, but sometimes you have to accommodate a certain degree of unreasonableness to keep the peace.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:54 AM on June 9, 2024

Every minute you spend contorted in jealous agony is a minute you don't get to appreciate the fact that you're still here and what is good in your life. Suppose you found out tomorrow that you'd relapsed, it was stage IV, and you could expect to die within a few days. Is feeling hateful about friends and family what you'd want to remember as the way you'd spent your time beforehand? I don't even mean from an ethical standpoint--I mean as a question of your own happiness!… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:46 AM on June 8, 2024

Something else that might help in this scenario is looking into lovingkindness/metta meditation practice, which begins with expressing benevolence towards the self and then deliberately enlarges outwards until it takes in the whole world.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:03 PM on June 8, 2024

Buying someone dinner is generally an appropriate level of acknowledgement of a short visit. If they wouldn't split drinks, I think that tells you that they're not comfortable with more.

Make sure to leave the place extra clean to minimize the work involved in your stay and if you know of any little treats that they like, leaving those might be nice. On the "box of chocolates" tier, not the "crate of favorite wine" tier. And a nice note! People… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:39 AM on June 8, 2024

Did you try contacting anyone at Morehouse or Spelman? They might be able to connect you with an appropriate organization to benefit from a sale even if the pieces aren't of scholarly value. Not being able to document the provenance is going to limit their value, though, unfortunately. Since it seems like you can talk to their gallery, I'd ask them about their records.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 6:15 PM on June 7, 2024

Coming in six weeks later, but Haikyuu!: the Dumpster Battle is a volleyball anime movie in theaters right now that probably (I haven't seen it) fits your bill.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 5:38 PM on June 6, 2024

Talking Heads, Memories Can't Wait

Awesomely covered by Living Colour.

Elvis Costello, "Veronica" ("Well she used to have a carefree mind of her own and a delicate look in her eye/These days I'm afraid she's not even sure if her name is Veronica")
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 4:32 PM on June 6, 2024

Also, it's ambiguous, but arguably the Psychedelic Furs's "The Ghost in You."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 4:41 PM on June 6, 2024

Ooof. This is hard. I know you're feeling shocked and disappointed, and that's fair. I would be very hesitant, though, to describe this puppy as a "lost cause" after one weird day very early in a new home. On the other hand, living with an untreatably aggressive dog can be stressful and heartbreaking even if you are deeply committed to the dog. I myself don't think I could do it. Do you have it in you to explore treatment options for a limited time and then let the dog go if you… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 9:42 PM on June 5, 2024

I'm sorry that happened to you. Nonetheless, very few dog bites (most especially non-fatal ones!) lead to criminal prosecution of the human. If there was a civil suit in your case, it's because you brought it. That may or may not have been justified, but, again, most dog bites don't even result in civil lawsuits (though it's certainly substantially more reasonable to be concerned about the possibility than about criminal prosecution).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 10:20 PM on June 5, 2024

Vacuum sealed and not moldy, I'd eat it. But I'm on the more liberal side of things.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 5:27 PM on June 5, 2024

In these situations, most of the power rests in the hands of the employer. Often, a settlement + NDA is the best you can do. It's not fair, but it's true. I would ask myself whether my concern was more ethical or emotional.

In an ethical analysis, there may be a difference between, e.g., agreeing not to disclose that your supervisor sexually assaulted you without any consequences and agreeing not to disclose that they were generically cruel, so I would try to think… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 9:20 AM on June 4, 2024

Not at all a vet, but: it could be nausea resulting from emotional upset. Would your vet be willing to prescribe something like Cerenia to give him when/right before you come home?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:44 PM on June 2, 2024 marked best answer

I've never bothered to track down the cause, but Google Voice specifically does not receive messages from the SMS gateways that about 1/3 of the SMS gateways I've tried to use it with (including major banks). This includes having _had_ it work properly initially but then stop, making recovering the account a major pain.

Yes...there are even institutions for which it works sometimes and not other times. Not sure what the back end issue is, but it's… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 9:42 AM on June 2, 2024

Yes, search for tablets with a SIM card.

Not all tablets with SIM cards do text/voice, though. E.g., iPad, even with cellular capability, doesn't (I was surprised to learn). Confirm before you buy!

My friend is sufficiently visually impaired that she has to get an escort through the airport when she flies--she has her CNIB card and everything--and she can use her iPhone with the accessibility features (though not without… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 12:13 PM on June 2, 2024

I'm not far from your age, and I don't drive. I actually got my license around the normal time, my parents forced me to surrender it because they didn't want to pay to have me on their insurance, and I never again lived in a place where it was an absolute necessity, so I'm sure I'd have to go through some arduous re-training to drive now.

The social model of disability doesn't work for everything, but for driving it absolutely does. Not driving is only a problem for… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:55 PM on June 1, 2024

It is a very expensive way to access home equity (many fees!). Note that with interest rates going up, you will only be able to borrow against a relatively smaller portion of your equity (because the idea is that the amount owed won't exceed the value of the home and obviously the former grows over time, and faster with inflation; there's a formula that constrains what lenders can lend on federally-guaranteed HECMs based on the prevailing interest rate).

Note also that… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 10:56 AM on May 31, 2024

(Oh, just to be clear, on your death, the house will be sold (or the debt must be paid in some other way, i.e., your kids could pay it off if they have the cash). In most cases, that will still mean that "the bank gets your house," though you will be paid any proceeds that exceed the existing debt. You will be unsurprised to hear that sales through the issuing financial institution tend not to yield the highest values--all they care about is covering the existing debt. So if I went… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 10:59 AM on May 31, 2024

He told me that there are reverse mortgages now where the heirs are given a period of time - six months or so - to sell the house, with the bank then getting what it is owed.

Investigate the details carefully in advance (six months might be a little long), but this can be possible (it's one of the "in some other way"s I mentioned above). Basically, and weird as it sounds, death of the last surviving borrower constitutes a default on a… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:58 PM on May 31, 2024

(cali59's question is a really good one...sorry, somehow my eye went right over the "buying a house" part! You have to have equity built up to have a reverse mortgage. Using a reverse mortgage to help finance a new mortgage is strange and you would almost certainly be better off selling the first house. Even if you just want the money for other living expenses, better to sell the first house and invest the proceeds in a fairly conservative income fund or (if you must, many other… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 2:49 PM on May 31, 2024

I have never looked into this in great detail, but--setting aside expenses, other options, etc. as requested--I don't think it's even likely to be possible. If you take out a reverse mortgage on a property that already has a mortgage, the proceeds will need to go to satisfy the existing balance first. Neither the mortgagee nor the reverse mortgagor are going to cede the first position on that debt!

So...if you start off with 50% equity, 50% debt, and the reverse… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 4:33 PM on May 31, 2024

For the most part, people at work aren't asking if you're okay because they need the validation of your attention or wtf-ever. They have better things to think about. They're doing it because something in your body language is signaling that you might be in distress, and they don't know you well enough yet to have the context to know that this is Just What You Do.

You can respond to these light expressions of personal concern with hostility and make sure you are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 11:11 AM on May 31, 2024

As a practical matter, your publisher will manage the copyright and will probably sublicense translation rights to a publishing company in the relevant country/ies. So I would be cautious in assuming that Audrey still has the rights to license to Stella.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 5:27 PM on May 30, 2024

If you're like me at all, your NYC shrunk a lot during the pandemic, and if you're at all inclined to depression, it may not have rebounded. I think it can help a lot to be deliberate and conscious about re-expanding the boundaries of your world. You're out of the habit of seeking out new experiences, perhaps? Go back to that. Just this weekend I had a friend visiting, so I went to an outer-borough museum I'd never been to before and I thought, geez, how silly that I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:29 PM on May 27, 2024

I say this gently and as someone who exactly the same age as you are and learning the same lesson right now - I say this in comradeship and sisterly sharing of lessons learned, not in judgment - you and I are the age at which to start taking on a more "imbalanced" role with our parents - taking on a greater share of emotional labor than them in our relationship with them. We aren't kids anymore. They aren't our all-powerful caregivers anymore and they haven't been for a long… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 1:22 PM on May 27, 2024

Here's some information on appointed non-lawyer NY judges. You should understand that such people do not generally enjoy the pay, prestige, or professional respect of full-time professional judges, who are lawyers, though if so inclined some are well-positioned to be petty tyrants over the marginalized of their communities. Whether that works well or poorly for your story of course depends on the story!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 9:27 AM on May 27, 2024

This is a tough situation. I don't think either you or niece are being selfish. I just wanted to add--though you've probably already figured this out--that, being 14, she may take this very hard and say unkind things when you tell her. "Well, I guess I'll just never visit again, then!" or "You always said you loved me, but I guess that was a lie!" or whatever. I think it's extremely important for your ongoing relationship that you take that calmly, acknowledge the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 6:45 PM on May 26, 2024

On preview, it’s kind of cool how similar “enlarged” is to “embiggened”

"Embiggened" is a made-up word from The Simpsons, meant to sound like a weird local slang variant.

I would be tempted to say "extrapolated" but that's me being poetic and not technical.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:27 AM on May 24, 2024

she spent most of the session harping on how I was judging him for his past - that he's never mistreated me personally, so I need to take him at face value as he is. That I was unfairly labeling him. That I should forget about everything else and solely work upon my experience with him in the current day.

Putting aside the validity of her therapeutic style, this is how women start down the path that leads to being killed. Seriously.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:08 PM on May 23, 2024

First, I'm so sorry that your medical news isn't better. I'm putting this somewhat directly in hopes that it might give you ideas for discussion with your therapist, but you should continue to be as gentle with yourself as possible.

As a practical matter: Go by yourself. If you could get there independent of him, and stay there independent of him, you can go altogether independent of him. If not now, when?

As an emotional matter: You're going… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:41 AM on May 22, 2024

But you don’t need someone to have wronged you to feel sad! It’s totally legitimate to feel sad about this without your friend having done anything wrong.

100%! I have a friend coming to visit this weekend. Last night she called me and I thought she was leading up to saying that she might have to cancel to go visit her dying mother, and I still felt bad even though that would have been the best reason in the world… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 10:37 AM on May 22, 2024

If we're talking U.S. to Canada (not sure?), literally just look up the option your carrier offers for international roaming. On Verizon, it's $5/day to Canada and covers both data (I think there's a cap, but it's not crazy) and voice. No need for another SIM, physical or e-.

The scenario my mom concocted was, "What if I as an elderly had a medical emergency, and needed to call my family physician for insurance information so that the local country's… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 6:58 PM on May 21, 2024

I guess I'm a little unclear on what the exact difficulty is here, so it's hard to know quite how to advise you. The recipient is unable to pick up the phone and call their local post office to inquire about package reception? The recipient can go to a physical site like a post office once, but only once? The recipient is incapable of doing anything that might create an electronic trail like renting a P.O. box? The recipient mustn't know the package is coming in advance, so they can't be… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 6:41 PM on May 21, 2024

Everybody's worthy of compassion, friend.

It doesn't sound like you cheated on or defrauded or abused your ex--you just didn't meet her needs. The latter is not a moral issue. It may be that that's nobody's fault, that you simply weren't able to do so in a way that was consistent with your own character. Or maybe you could have, but didn't understand how. These are things we learn through life. If a bad ending to a relationship disqualified us for love in the future,… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 8:51 PM on May 20, 2024 marked best answer

It's perfectly understandable that you didn't get it at the time, but I am genuinely shocked that you don't see as an adult that BIL was grooming you. She was trying to protect you before things went further. Perhaps not in the ideal way, but it does seem to have averted the main threat.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 5:47 PM on May 17, 2024

It's easy for friends and sometimes therapists (and internet commenters) to provide very you-centric, very absolutist takes about what a situation is and how you should deal with the other people involved.

Yep, this is a Mefi phenomenon, too, where people will confidently provide you with scripts thinking that they can somehow preempt a person's underlying reaction to [whatever uncomfortable/painful thing you're trying to communicate], and...they… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 2:47 PM on May 18, 2024

Here is something that brought the value of rehab exercises home to me. Buy him one of those Everlasting Comfort back cushions off Amazon ($30-$40, depending on the day). Have him use it while sitting at a chair, which with that injury probably quickly leads to discomfort without it. Have him note how much longer/with less pain he can sit using the cushion. Ask him to consider how much nicer his life would be if his core muscles could provide that support internally (which they more or less… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 7:45 AM on May 17, 2024

Baseball is a tighter game than it used to be, but it's still long stretches of sitting outside on a (hopefully) pleasant summer night eating snacks and enjoying each other's company waiting for something to happen on the field. I would bone up on the basics and at least look at local coverage of the team to get some idea of what the current dramatics are, but an intimate knowledge of the game is not required. It's more fun if you can get invested--pick an arbitrary favorite player or two to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by praemunire at 4:21 PM on May 16, 2024