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Mystery Science Theater 3000: REPTILICUS
Re-rewatch! It's the beginning of the streaming era, and it's Denmark's turn to get attacked by those darn kaiju. Previously and again.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: The World Cup in Qatar
This week... Elon Musk has been running Twitter for three weeks now and it hasn't been going great. And Now: People On TV Have Some Thoughts On Thanksgiving Foods. Main story: the World Cup comes to Qatar, a nation with some serious problems. A million people are coming to a tiny nation that casually threatens journalists, a nation that will now simultaneously host a plethora of human rights abuses and the world's biggest soccer tournament. On Youtube (25 minutes). And Now: People On TV Interrogate The Important Question: Do You Say Pecan Or Pecan. Finally, this is the last episode of Last Week Tonight for the season, and so we return to AI image generation, along with a whole bunch of clowns on unicycles. "Why do unicycles exist?" Why, indeed.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK
Re-rewatch! An amoral thief's goal in life seems to be to have sex around as many expensive things as possible with his girlfriend, while the world tries to catch him. Previously, and again. This is the last episode of the classic run of the show.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: The British Monarchy
This week.... the Democrats did unexpectedly well in midterms, perhaps helping to staunch the gaping chest wound the US has been suffering since 2016. Republicans seem to be turning against Trump (FINALLY) and towards Florida governor Ron Desantis (still pretty awful). And Now: Steve Kornacki Is Never Not At The Big Board. The main story involves the British Monarchy, "the best thing to happen to white actors since literally everything else." But these days, what really is the point of the monarchy? And while most British people support the institution, the monarchy has some serious baggage attached to it. On Youtube (28 minutes).
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SQUIRM
Rewatch! A power line goes down, supplies continual live current to a bunch of worms, and as a result they go nuts and eat people. Fixing the power line ends the situation. Who would have thought? Also has the short A Case of Spring Fever, featuring Coily the Spring Sprite, may his dark name be praised. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Election Subversion
This week.... Heidi Klum dresses as a worm in an awesome costume. Lula defeats Bolsonaro (YAY). Elon Musk takes over Twitter, which knowledgable people describe as "a nightmare built on sticks that might fall apart at any time," and he just fired half of the employees. Main story: Election subversion, trying to change the outcome of elections after they take place, a tactic that looks like it is coming to the United States in a couple of days, due to misinformation spread by conservative media. On Youtube. (33 minutes) Ends with a nice clip of Nick Offerman.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Bail Reform
This (well last) week.... Liz Truss resigns as UK Prime Minister after 45 days, to be replaced by Rishi Sunak. And Now: Unnecessary Full Disclosure. Main story: Bail reform, and how important it is despite it being used by right-wing attack ads to try to damage progressive, and, you know, just plain non-evil candidates. On Youtube (27 minutes) This is LWT's second report on bail; here is the first. (18 minutes) And Now: Unnecessary Full Disclosure All Tamron Hall Edition.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND
Rewatch! A plane crashes onto the titular island carrying a cargo consisting mostly of bikini girls. You can probably guess how the proceedings go from there. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: IT LIVES BY NIGHT
Rewatch! A guy is bitten by a bat and begins to turn into a creature with bat aspects. Batspects. We're nearly at the end of the classic series again, just three more episodes after this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HAMLET
Rewatch! Hamlet (a prince)'s dad (so, the king) is killed by a guy who wants to marry his mom, so he pretends to be crazy to gather evidence of the murder. It's a German production of the famous play, with two of the voices being Ricardo Montalban and John Banner. It's cut down a lot for time and has sparse sets. This is a challenging one. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Transgender Rights II
This week.... Russia's forces, under the direction of General Sergey "Armageddon" Surovikin, strike back at Ukraine for destroying the Crimea Bridge by firing missiles at Ukrainian cities. And Now: More Electrifying Small Talk From San Antonio's "Daytime With Kimberly & Esteban." Main story: the struggle for transgender rights, and Republican efforts to use it to drive supporters to the polls, often using ridiculous exaggerations or outright lies to do so (as is their standard practice). On Youtube (27 minutes). Last Week Tonight is off next week.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: H.G. WELLS' THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME
"Beyond the earth... beyond the moon... beyond your wildest imagination!" It's the future in space, and there's a plague, and important drugs are being brought from a distant planet, and Jack Palance is trying to take over the universe, and there's a teleporting robot, and some kids in one scene. I couldn't make heads or tails of this one folks. There's a plot synopsis on Wikipedia, read that. It's another movie that tried to cash in on Star Wars' gigantic success. It's not nearly as campy as Starcrash, but that makes it very bland as a film. Even with Jack Palance as the villain, he's simply not in enough scenes to make it memorable. Other than sharing some character names and being set in the future, this movie has almost nothing to do with H.G. Wells' novel. Premiered October 7, 2022, in the Gizmoplex.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE
Re-rewatch! Joe Don Baker plays a Texas policeman who brings his vaguely-legal brand of justice to Malta. Previously and again.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Crime Reporting
This week... protests by schoolgirls in Iran following the death of Mahsa Amini after her arrest for violating hijab rules. And Now: Christopher Columbus: Kind of a Cool Guy (according to Fox faces). Main story: how crime is covered by the media, which is frequently sensationalist and leaves people with a sense that crime is a much bigger problem than it is, and can stoke fears of false problems like "rainbow fentanyl." It's often compounded by an unquestioning stance regarding police statements. On Youtube (26 minutes) And Now, finally: Another Installment of Local News Beat Poetry From NBC4 Washington's Pat Collins.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST
Rewatch! Yet another guy named Paul turns into a monster in this movie; it's the fourth such movie in MST's history! The others are The Crawling Hand, The Projected Man and Werewolf. Note that Cry Wilderness is not included, the Paul in that movie is just friends with a monster. Anyway, the episode is not on many best-of lists, but it's generally fondly remembered. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Antiquities in Museums
This week... Liz Truss faces a cost-of-living crisis in the UK and decides to solve it with trickle-down bullshit, and is roasted by British media after only one month in office. And Now: Shopping Networks Recognize Queen Elizabeth's Death The Only Way They Know How. Main story: Antiquities, artifacts of great cultural worth that are frequently stolen from their homelands in order to be displayed in museums, where they frequently remain indefinitely, one of those practices that people seem to think is okay mostly because it's done so often, and has been for so long. On Youtube (34 minutes)
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BOGGY CREEK II: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES
Rewatch! Another Bigfoot search movie. Compared to Season 11's Cry Wilderness, this one makes more sense, but is also kind of disjointed. Beware the outhouse scene, which word is was much longer and more awful in the unedited cut. This is also the episode with Old Man Crenshaw. I feel bad about some things I've said about his appearance in the past, but the character is still written as a jerk, and the fact remains that his one-strap overalls, rubber-band-bound beard attire is not a flattering choice of costume. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Bolsonaro
This week... Biden declares the pandemic to be over, which it isn't. Florida governor Ron DeSantis flies migrants (from Texas, not Florida) to Martha's Vineyard at Florida taxpayer expense in a ridiculous stunt for the benefit of Fox News. Puerto Rico, hit by Hurricane Fiona, has power problems again, in large part due to the mismanagement of LUMA Energy. Puerto Rican rap artist Bad Bunny drew attention to the island's continuing electrical woes with a video that at first appears to be a music video, but then turns out to be a 22-minute documentary. And Now: The Queue to End All Queues (the one to pay respects to the deceased Queen of England). Main Story: A return to Jair Bolsonaro, the far right President of Brazil who is running for election. He seems likely to lose but may decide to refuse to leave office, following Trump's example and encouraging a riot. On Youtube (20 minutes). At the end, John Oliver wishes support for the people of Brazil, speaking Portuguese while swinging nunchaku around. There's a reason, kind of.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z
Rewatch! I thought this one had come up in the list of best-of episodes, but apparently not, so it's only this film's second time on MST Club. "Sargassum... WEED of DECEIT!" A deeply odd movie. Also called Zaat, the movie has a fansite that's still online. Come see a man declare his love for a fish. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Law & Order
The President of Chile was undermined during a speech by a toddler on a bicycle in a Superman outfit. Queen Elizabeth died, and Liz Truss replaced Boris Johnson as the Prime Minister of the UK. And Now: Sean Hannity Does The Opposite Of An Ad For Walmart. Main story: Law & Order, not the concepts but the show, and how it's taken as a true depiction of how policing is done when it really shouldn't be. On Youtube (27 minutes).
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FUTURE WAR
Rewatch! A guy from the future travels back in time, but is chased by Robert Z'Dar. As Crow says, in the movie, it's not the future, and there's no war. There is a nun! Previously.
Bee and PuppyCat: Gentle Touch
Deckard cashes in (by mail) an IOU Bee gave him for her to look after his family while he's at cooking school. We meet two of his brothers: Howell, who runs the family Cat Cafe and who fired Bee some time ago for napping under the counter, and Wesley, who nurses sick and wounded fish to health and who Puppycat is enamored with for his amazing coolness. Bee discovers the Wizard family's Cat Cafe is in debt, and orders a lot of food to help them make ends meet, eventually taking a temp job to pay for it. While on the job, the weird hands from the last episode of Season 1 attack again, but Puppycat fends them off.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU
"She Rules a Palace of Pleasure ...for WOMEN! the most DIABOLICAL... BIZARRE... SADISTIC WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED!" Evil lady woman Su-Muru girlingly tries to take over the world with her nefarious army of maiden damsels. The character was created by Sax Rohmer and the movie produced by Harry Alan Towers, both of whom also responsible for Fu Manchu, so you probably should load up on coffee before attempting this one. If you're casting a Sax Rohmer movie about one of his standard megalomaniac characters, would you pick Frankie Avalon? These people did. Premiered September 2, 2022, on the Gizmoplex.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS
Re-rewatch! A kid is bored, so his grandfather tells him tales of wonder to entertain him. But the grandpa is Ernest Borgnine, and he tells the kid about Merlin setting up shop in a strip mall and sourcing dangerous magic items to the suburbian public. Starting to see why King Arthur had problems. This is another classic episode from the last season of the classic series. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS
Re-rewatch! A sleazy slimy movie. Follow Michele along her starry-eyed journey working as a humble waitress at a desert diner called EAT to working as a go-go dancer in a club called The Haunted House. A surprisingly fun episode, but the movie is real icky. Previously and again.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Carbon Offsets
This week (for another day or so at least)... Sensitive documents found at Mar-A-Lago. Midterm elections and the legacy of deceased Alaskan Representive Don Young, and the possibility that they could step down from him to Sarah Palin. And Now: Sixty Seconds Of Tucker Carlson Being Right About Stuff. Main story: carbon offsets, corporations idea to fix the environment that seems unlikely to work. The companies in charge of ensuring that offset deals are followed have such hugely lax regulation that John Oliver and LWT started their own offset company, Oliver's Offsets, simply because it's possible and easy. On YouTube (24 minutes)
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Afghanistan
Last week.... Biden signs the Inflation Reduction Act which contains substantial efforts to combat climate change, and the FBI searched Trump's Mar-A-Lago residence and found over 300 sensitive documents that he had taken when he had left office. But the main story is on Afghanistan and the problems created when the U.S. withdrew from it a year ago, a situation that was arguably necessary and long overdue, but that also caused issues for the people living there, who it is difficult to help due to the many (reasonable!) prohibitions on cooperating with the Taliban. On YouTube (21 minutes). And Now: Shepard Smith Has The Best Story Intros In The Business. And finally, they visit the phenomenon of AI-generated art, and the curious images prompted by a user named "postpoopzoomies," that resulted, at last, in Steve Buscemi marrying John Oliver to a large prop cabbage.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Monkeypox
This--last--okay two weeks ago: a French scientist posted a picture of a slice of chorizo (MeFi) and called it a distant star, and Alex Jones was found liable in three lawsuits brought by families of Sandy Hook victims finally. And Now: Some Thoughts From CSPAN's Most Frequent Caller. (Walter, from Butler, Indiana) Main story: Monkeypox, what it is, the stigma attached to it, and its unfortunate echoes of the AIDS crisis. On YouTube (23 minutes) And Now: Walter From Butler, Indiana Has Some Thoughts On Mortality.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BATWOMAN
Originally "La mujer murcielago." A rich socialite lady decides to spend her spare time in a bat mask and cape, wearing a bikini, and fighting crime. She tracks down a mad scientist who is using pineal fluid from wrestlers to make fish people. Oh, she's a wrestler too. All of this takes place in Mexico. Other than being a blatant ripoff of them, has nothing to do with DC Comics characters. It's a fun episode, with a crazy movie and good host segments! Premiered August 19, 2022, in the Gizmoplex.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SOULTAKER
Re-rewatch! Dumb teens are killed automotively and their souls spend the rest of the movie running from Joe Estevez, last seen in Werewolf. We begin the last season of Era 2 of the show with a fun episode with visits from TV's Frank and Joel! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS
Re-rewatch! In the mystic land of Europe, in a time of swords and sorcery but not sorcery, in a kind of pseudo-medieval time that's also the Renaissance, everyone had a funny name, and roughly 20% of the people were David Warner, who is about the only good thing about this intensely goofy movie. (We miss you David.) Everyone get out your foam boffers, it's time to larp. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SCREAMING SKULL
Rewatch! A guy gaslights his new wife into believing the spirit of his previous wife is haunting her, as part of a scheme to drive her crazy and take her money. Oh joy. There's a great short though, the Gumby cartoon Robot Rumpus! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL FISH
Rewatch! Someone gave the military the money to breed killer deadly mutant fish, and they do! Funny that. A bunch of people eventually kill it, but not before many of their own number are themselves killed. This is one of those movies that suffers from the necessity of editing out scenes of gore and violence, as it removes several important deaths from the film. This is also the movie where, as one male cast member is climbing down a ladder above the camera, a certain globular piece of male anatomy slips out from his shorts, to the horror of our hosts. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Mental Health Care
This week.... A huge heat wave hits Europe, and a walrus called Freya is sinking small water craft in an attempt to find a spot to sunbathe. Meanwhile, Boris Johnson is "sad [...] to be giving up the best job in the world, but them's the breaks." Replacement candidates: Rishi Sunak, trying to establish his social conservative bona-fides by attacking "woke nonsense," an rival Liz Truss. And Now: People On TV Daydreaming About Winning The Lottery. Main story: Mental health care. Reported mental health issues have spiked, exacerbated by the pandemic. On YouTube (25 minutes). And Now: The World's Horniest Televangelist (Dr. Mike Murdock).
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Inflation
This (well, last), week.... Boris Johnson agrees to step down. The January 6th hearings continue, and Josh Hawley, who encourged the rioters, later was seen on camera fleeing from them. Main story: Inflation, another of those words that, like Watergate, has been portmanteau'd to pieces. Reasons for it are numerous and varied, creating a "perfect storm" of causes, although many are quick to blame their usual targets, despite it being a global phenomenon. As a subject for examination, John Oliver presents a particular giant frog statue. On YouTube (24 minutes). And Now: Local News Reacts To The Consquences Of Global Warming Exactly As Expected (reprising an old Johnny Carson bit by asking "How hot is it?"). At the end, further news on LWT's quest to obliterate those creepy dolls that washed up in Texas. (A web exclusive bit, that segment was on YouTube: 9 minutes.) Having obtained them, they are now trying to send them to Austrailia to have them destroyed in a polystyrene recycling machine.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE FINAL SACRIFICE
Re-rewatch! Another fan favorite, unlikely hero Zap Rowsdower and dorky teen Troy on on a road trip to upset the diabolical machinations of... uh, a diabolic machinator. He has a name but honestly it's hard to remember much beyond Rowsdower. He had his own song on YouTube which I had linked to in past posts, but apparently the rights owner to the movie is No Fun and had it taken down. Boo, Tjardus Greidanus! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. JIGER
aka "Gamera tai Daimaju Jaiga," "Gamera vs. Monster X," "Monsters Invade Expo '70." Everyone's favorite humongous turtle and Friend to Children protects Expo 70, being held in Japan, from a monster attack. Did you ever want to know what Gamera looked like from the inside? Stay tuned. It's not a rewatch this time! Jonah and his bots go up against one of the few Showa-era Gamera movies not done back during the Comedy Central era. And furthermore, I hear they were required to show this one uncut, so get ready for the longest episode of MST3K to date, clocking in at over two hours! Premiered July 22, 2022, in the Gizmoplex.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GORGO
Rewatch! It's Godzilla in the UK! A couple of guys capture a giant sea lizard and show it at a carnival, not realizing it's just a baby, and its mum is pissed. Leonard Maltin shows up in host segments. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TOUCH OF SATAN
Rewatch! A bit of a sleeper, it's the story of a young drifter who falls in love with a lady he meets by a lake who tells him, "this is where the fish lives." Being kind of dim, he immediately falls in love with her, and, surprise!, she's a Satan follower. Not in the sense of being a cultist, she just sort of "is" one. The fish does not appear to enter into it. She's over a hundred but looks young; her murderous sister is over a hundred and looks older. There's a couple of people they stay with who I think also have the mangoat on their contact lists, although in an even more vague way than the knower of fish residence. An odd movie. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HOBGOBLINS
Re-rewatch! "It's the 80s; do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!" "Meet the Hobgoblins: Frankie, Sniffles, Bounce-Bounce, and The Claw!" "Paint my muscle car prune color, please!" "Wow this is a really well planned-out make-out spot. They must get public funding." "I would not want Pig Liquor." "Watch out, you little doodad!" Really, what can you do with those hobgoblins? Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEMON SQUAD
aka Night Hunters. "Monsters don't stand a chance." A private investigator specializing in paranormal cases is looking for an artifact, and fights demons in bars, among other things. This episode is notable for featuring the return of Joel Robinson as host for this episode! It also has Dr. Erhardt returning, and for the second half of the movie J. Elvis Weinstein reprising his role as the voice of Tom Servo from the show's first season long, long ago. Premiered Friday 24, 2022, in the Gizmoplex.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SPACE CHILDREN
Rewatch! A benevolent blob from outer space gives Earth kids unearthly powers in order to prevent war. It contains Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan! Has the short Century 21 Calling, which is set at the Chicago World's Fair and tries to get us excited about the future of landline phones. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY BEES
Rewatch! Bees are on the rampage in the UK, and a singer in the country for a rest cure tries to figure out why they're killing people, while the British bureaucracy churns away trying to send someone to investigate. An odd movie with a very weird moment right at the end. In subplot news, the other Observers show up and try to get Brain Guy to go off with them to observe things. Previously.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Rent
This week.... The January 6 investigation continues, revealing the complicity of Trump's legal advisor John Eastman. Republicans across the country are fielding election deniers in positions for public office, such as conspiracy theorist and QAnon ally Jim Marchant, the Republican nominee for Secretary of State in Nevada. And Now: In Honor of Father's Day, ZADDIES. Main story: Rent, which has been skyrocketing across the nation, a crisis that's been with us for multiple decades, has gotten much much worse lately, and no one seems willing to do anything about. On YouTube (22 minutes). And Now: It's Always Happy Hour on QVC.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WEREWOLF
Re-rewatch! The desert is home to many mysteries. Like people turning into dog people by the light of the silvery moon, the many mispronunciations of "Werewolf," Joe Estevez, and what's up with that guy in the house with the beard. A time-traveler from the old Klondike? (turns down lights, shines flashlight under my face) Whoooo can saaaay? This episode's a fan favorite, with song "Where oh Werewolf?" and the "Tusk!" bit over the closing credits. Previously and again.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Tech Monopolies
This week... the January 6th hearings have begun. A Republican Senate primary in Arizona is getting competitive, between current Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich and opponents such as Jim Lamon and Blake Masters, who admires the Unabomber as a "subversive thinker." And Now: Sean Hannity's Favorite Joke. ("It's an Adam Schiff-show") Main story: tech monopolies, especially Apple, Google, and Amazon, and how they often preference their own products when you turn to them for information, software, or merchandise. On YouTube (27 minutes). Look out for a cameo by three movies from Video Brinquedo!
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DOCTOR MORDRID
"Jeffery Combs is" Doctor Mordrid! Master of the Unknown! Also, landlord of a building in New York! And yet the movie wants to believe he's a force working for good. He was sent to our world by a pair of blue eyes to save all reality from the eeeeevil Kabal! Sadly it seems his mystical abilities provide him no defense against getting arrested. It's the fifth episode of Season 13, and not such a bad movie. The story goes it was originally written as a Doctor Strange movie but they lost the rights, so they renamed some characters and made it anyway. Emily hosts this one; it looks like Joel will be hosting the next! Premiered in the Gizmoplex on June 10th, 2022.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PUMAMAN
Re-rewatch! A fan favorite (it was first in our informal poll of the best MST3K episodes), The Pumaman is the story of a guy who gets thrown out of a window by an Aztec priest and survives, and so he has to stop Donald Pleasence from taking over the world. He has practically no feline characteristics, but that's okay, because his powers don't seem very pumoid anyway. He can fly, sort of? It's certainly not Superman-level flying. It's more dangling-from-a-baby's-mobile kind of flying. It's nearly a perfect movie for riffing. Previously and again.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: School Resource Officers
This week.... The Queen of England's Platinum Jubilee. The school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. That leads us directly to the main story: school resource officers, pitched as a way to deter school shootings, but there is little evidence that they do, and there are many drawbacks to their presence in schools. Get ready for terrible stories of police involvement in schools, including a girl getting arrested for a science project that made the cap of a coke bottle pop off. On YouTube (27 minutes) And Now: People On TV Get A Little Too British For The Platinum Jubilee. Finally, vandals last November attacked a banana-and-skull sculpture in Melbourne. The show offers the city, if they will give their sculpture to them, to compensate with donations, plus as a return gift, their statue of a cartoon alligator flipping the bird that they've had pointed at the offices of Dr. Oz.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PHANTOM PLANET
Rewatch! An astronaut ends up on a distant asteroid and is shrunk down to the size of its inhabitants, joins their society, but then it's all destroyed. So uplifting! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MUNCHIE
"Roger Corman presents..." "Munchie just moved in... There goes the neighborhood." "Magical. Mystical. Munchie!" a kid beset by bullies and the school principal (who hates him for some reason) opens a mysterious box and inside is a dead-faced animatronic puppet with the voice of Dom DeLuise. While a sequel to Munchies, there are no horror elements of this movie, other than the stark horror of the puppet's construction. Reputedly this was a very difficult movie for the MST guys to write for. Jonah and his bots riff this one, but he has a conversation with Emily, and Emily and her bots have a couple of segments before and after the movie. Premiered on the Gizmoplex on May 27, 2022.