MetaFilter

First and foremost is always being pleasant with the people you interact with. Sometimes that means politely saying no. The polite part goes along way.

Second is always giving accurate estimates for when tasks will be finished. People may not like it when you tell them it will be later than they want, but you must be a reliable point in their plans.

Third is quality. Once again, you must be a reliable point in their plans.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:41 AM on April 17, 2024

I would take the position and make a point of hiring people who have been at a disadvantage and putting resources into training them up and training at least one of them to eventually replace you.

The answer to being given and power and privilege is not to give it up, it's to extend that power and privilege to everyone.

If the CEO's perfect candidate shows up you can step aside graciously and move on. If they don't, then use this opportunity… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:16 AM on April 16, 2024

If the faucet has been used I would suspect calcium buildup. If you can straighten out the tube and look through it at a light it should be pretty obvious.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 12:23 PM on April 14, 2024

As someone who was invited to help out a friend I would be very put off by them asking me to pay for the privilege.

If it was a question of helping to pay for the supplies I might be willing to chip in, but even then I would expect that to be an optional thing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:04 AM on April 14, 2024

Just a quick follow up on this.

I figured out this morning that this phenomenon occurs also during my hypomanic phase. Enhanced senses are a major thing during that phase for me, so I think I’m concluding that it’s a noise that happens all the time, but I only hear it when I’m extra sensitive.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:11 AM on April 13, 2024

A see it as a form of détente. “You don’t make me spend time figuring out a present for your kid, and I won’t make you spend time figuring out one for mine.”

Parents have enough on their plate without that little ritual.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 12:27 PM on April 11, 2024

When my spouse unexpectedly quit her (slightly less lucrative) career than mine it hit me hard, not because we couldn't afford it but because suddenly our economic life was all on me. If I lost my ability to work there was no backup. Economic logistics are part of pairing up with someone for life and my partner was suddenly not carrying her part of the load.

On the other hand, I have a friend who works very hard providing all of the economic stability for himself and… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 5:22 PM on April 10, 2024

Is it a terrible idea to ask him if, when I did something wrong/off, that he would tell me that?

Nope. Although I might posit it as more of a "Since we're getting to know each other I thought I'd let you know that I'm prepared for and prefer direct feedback. Sometimes I feel a bit lost without it." That's a good thing to have straight with your boss.

As for your ex-coworker I would just let it go for a few days.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 4:30 PM on April 10, 2024

When my sister-in-law was training in the Air National Guard one of the exercises was practicing in-flight codebook switches. The scenario they used was that California had declared independence while the National Guard flight was in the air.

It was a well worn exercise, everyone knew what was coming, and also her flight crew was from California so they made some arrangements and when the orders came they pulled out an alternative set of codebooks and defected.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:21 PM on April 9, 2024

(My point being that people in the military are aware of these scenarios and at least engage with them in a playful fashion. I don’t know how seriously any given state guard has taken them).
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:39 PM on April 9, 2024

In a civil war scenario, the federal government would be extremely motivated to defend the non-seceding states. So in a practical sense I don’t see much reason for states to develop their own defenses for that specific scenario, except maybe as an emergency holdover measure for a few days while waiting for federal assistance.

That ignores the states that believe they will be the ones seceding.

States have a lot of control of… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:10 AM on April 10, 2024

Nothing about eating, but Open Defecation is practiced by about 1/12th of the world's population. It tracks with the availability of sewage infrastructure but there are cultural reasons as well.

For example:


Superstition

Defecating in toilet causes one to be possessed by evil spirits.
Shared toilets are associated with evil spirits and therefore should avoided.
Using same toilet… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:30 AM on April 8, 2024

Oh, and I’m not sure how I forgot this but the Romans were totally into defecation as a social event and also a public service.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:31 AM on April 9, 2024

This seems like a situation where he could reasonably put his foot down and say “when I was hired I was told it would be a year or less before I would have a local office. Failing that I need to start working from home more often until we’re ready to go.”

He needs to make that situation clear now, as training won’t last forever and he will soon start taking on responsibilities at these other sites.

And who knows? The company may be very happy to… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:04 AM on April 9, 2024 marked best answer

The first thing I would do is observe the small talk that Jed makes with other people. Among other things, if Jed seems permanently offended by small talk from anyone then there is nothing you can do on your side.

But I think it would be valuable as research. It’s possible that Jed feels put on the spot when asked questions. It’s possible that they are a very private person and resent being asked questions at all. It’s possible that they view your questions as being… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:45 AM on April 9, 2024

I am having fears that they may change and... outgrow our relationship?

That's a valid fear. They are having a raft of new experiences that are going to stretch their understanding of the world and themselves.

You seem to be dedicated to not being left behind though. Keep it up -- learn what they're learning, see what they're seeing. You don't need to change your life to center around their changing identity, but… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:04 AM on April 8, 2024

Not your business, and not worth trying to make your business. I've known married couples that went on like that for decades. Well, I've known *of* them because I dropped them from my social circle fairly early. I suggest you do the same.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 2:59 PM on April 6, 2024

“Well, do they want to work at that part-time, minimum-wage job for the rest of their life?"

This is an extremely prevalent attitude and your words probably hit some serious buttons based on societal shame and likely some internalized ones as well.

If I were to apologize I would make clear that I had adopted a really screwed up societal viewpoint and now that this has happened I’ve reconsidered how off-base it is.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 12:07 PM on April 6, 2024

I used to have this issue but mindfulness meditation has given me an enormous amount of practice in redirecting my mind back from whatever weeds it’s wandered off into. It’s reflexive now.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:34 PM on April 4, 2024

I’m afraid you’re looking in the wrong place for the security problem. People intercepting the data in transit has never been a real problem to speak of (there was a brief era when WiFi was first becoming popular) but simply having the unencrypted files sitting online in people’s mailboxes — particularly people who work for companies with email retention policies — means that if someone’s account gets hacked, your documents are sitting there waiting for them.

Those… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:27 PM on April 4, 2024

Yes there is a chance, no there is no shortcut to trying it out yourself.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on April 4, 2024

That sounds a lot like me at that age.

I think you're expecting a lot out of a 10th grader and the best way to help right now would be to just let him find his way. Let him know you've got his back.

That said...

You say he seems lonely, but having suffered extensively at the hands of a well-meaning extrovert parent I would ask you to get a closer look at that. Some people don't need as much "people" time.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:06 PM on April 2, 2024

The only time I've really gotten something out of an eclipse was when I forgot one was happening and started wondering why the light was unaccountably dim outside.

Otherwise... partial, full, whatever. It's kind neat to see the sun occluded but unlike some seriously beautiful nature here on earth it's left me unmoved.

I'm not saying it will be the same for you but have hope: you may see 94% and think "OK, that's enough."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 PM on April 2, 2024

My parents have one of these and I sleep on it every time I’m there. Slept on it for two weeks straight last time and had no problems with it at all.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:09 AM on March 31, 2024

That does sound like a very mild expression of Bipolar II. Of course, I have that so everything sounds to me like an expression of Bipolar II.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:59 AM on March 29, 2024

I started having serious depressive episodes in my mid-twenties. For various reasons I didn’t end up with the right meds until I was 43.

By far the biggest issue I had to deal with was that over years of depression I had reached a point of indifference about being alive or dead. I didn’t want to die, but I wouldn’t have minded. Despite many years of mental stability it’s only now, after a lot of therapy, that I feel that life is in the balance fun and I’d be missing… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 11:27 PM on March 18, 2024

The idea that depression results from serotonin or other neurochemical imbalances is thoroughly discredited by now.

Basically every national health system in the world disagrees with this assessment, as does the World Health Organization.

For the U.S, the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and American National Institute of Health are all right behind SSRIs as an adjunct to treating depression.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 9:16 PM on March 28, 2024

I think you're going to look back at this situation and realize that it was not about your partner failing to make a public speech at a retirement party.

Basically I don't think this incident is over yet. If you want to do right by your husband I think it would be worth your time to really sit with this and figure out what's going on for you.

I'm just a random stranger on the internet but that's how it feels to me.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:45 PM on March 28, 2024

You want a larvicide. They should be available at any gardening store.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 5:48 AM on March 28, 2024

variation of this that I see a lot are "mosquito dunks"

I'm pretty sure Dunks are preventative and Bits are for when the larvae are already growing.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 11:15 AM on March 28, 2024

“Yeah, I read that.”
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 1:05 PM on March 25, 2024

"Neurodivergent" is used so diversely as to practically be a null term. It can mean pretty much anything anyone wants it to mean.

However, as with anything else, if someone chooses to wear something on their sleeve you can’t go too far wrong asking about it. As it is a friend I would just ask them in what way they’re neurodivergent and if there is anything you can do to accommodate. If it were a stranger I might be more indirect, simply asking how they felt… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 4:46 PM on March 23, 2024 marked best answer

I know some people think dreams are the result of random electrical impulses in your brain but I am firmly of the belief they have significant meaning.

It wouldn’t matter if they were just random electrical impulses. Humans can pick up any random collection of facts and images and make a story from them. If the story is meaningful to us then it is worth talking about.

One school of thought around dreams is that each… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:28 AM on March 23, 2024

Timothy/Tim here and I run into this from time to time. People do notice it and occasionally higher-ups have had to sign off but apparently it happens often enough that there are procedures in place.

Now, the fact that my middle name is listed as “D“ on my passport… That has caused me some real problems.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:07 AM on March 23, 2024

I have not been in a position to have this discussion with anyone, but I did want to comment that there is a potential midstep between having them live there and tossing them out. That is to limit the house time — set a rule that they are not allowed in the house between 9 AM and 5 PM but otherwise everything stays the same.

That way you know they have food and a roof over their head, but you’re making clear that you’re not going to support their idleness.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:57 AM on March 22, 2024

Blaise Pascal famously wrote: "I have made this [letter] longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter."

There is a hidden implication in that, which is that making a letter shorter is a separate process from writing it. Perhaps Pascal did it in his head, but you can walk through it too.

Write the heartfelt ten pages, get everything said that you want to say, and then don’t look at it for a few days (ideally a week).… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:35 PM on March 21, 2024

I'm doing less minimising and disassociating and distracting myself from my feelings, but hurting a lot more. And I've dismantled a bunch of coping mechanisms but don't really have new ones to replace them with.

Looking back I remember this as a seminal moment in therapy, where I stopped tearing down and started building up. I spent so much time not wanting to be who I was, and that was when I decided I was finally healthy enough to envision who I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 10:52 AM on March 21, 2024 marked best answer

Since you say you bathe them, I am assuming the kid is small.

A short clip of Sindhu Vee talking about small children being boring.

I’ve enjoyed playing with the small kids in my life, but I have never become attached to one until they started to really branch out and become their own person. Until then they’re kind of interchangeable.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:38 AM on March 21, 2024

If the new boss and coworkers are worth their salt, their response will be “Aw crap, it was nice to have met you.“ There may, however, be an attempt to offer competitive pay so you should be ready for that.

The real concern I see is what the situation at your old company actually is. There are plenty of well liked, respected people who have no business managing organizations in general and people in specific. You don’t mention how long your old boss was in place but I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on March 21, 2024

I would go with a loan as it will encourage you to have a document that spells everything out in detailed terms. It’s good insurance in case they get hit by a bus.

I’ve done this sort of loan twice in my life and in both cases we agreed to make no mention of it in our taxes. It seems to have worked out fine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 9:35 PM on March 20, 2024

Phrases that have appeared in my journal recently: "spinning my wheels", "something pretty huge is missing from my life", "I don't feel joy, or love, or a sense of belonging or purpose".

Is this just... garden variety depression and a sign I should get back on SSRIs?

That does sound like depression all right. I think I might give the SSRIs a go again and see if they help.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 11:32 PM on March 18, 2024

EvaDestruction:
If he's going to change, he has to want to. He hasn't said he wants to change. He hasn't asked for your support changing.

This. Oh so very much this. You aren't asking if he can change, you are asking if you can change him. Absolutely 100% not gonna happen.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 9:48 AM on March 18, 2024

Getting past security is trivial. They don't check that your boarding pass is real at that point so you can print out anything you like and show it to them. It's not until you go to get on the plane that they scan it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 4:12 PM on March 17, 2024

? Yes, they do. Haven't you ever had to put your phone on the glass just the right way so it reads it while the CBP person looks at you grumpily?

Perhaps I’m suffering from post-TSA memory loss but I can’t recall any point in the security line process where a person has done anything but compare the name on my id to the name on the physical boarding pass I hand them. However, it’s been years since I did a lot of flying so perhaps I’ve just blotted it out.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:10 PM on March 17, 2024

It’s the same thing with the stock market. If you were capable of reliably predicting what the real estate market will do, you would be doing that for a living and making out like a bandit.

It’s a skill very very very few people possess, so you just have to take what you got.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 8:45 PM on March 16, 2024

My (non-abusive) parents were recently going through some stressful health times and when I mentioned I was going to do some extra things on my trip to see them they asked me to spare them the details and make sure my visit with them was as uncomplicated as possible.

I didn't feel it was an unreasonable ask for parents who are stressed out of their skulls. I'd guess yours simply don't have the bandwidth to worry about their child driving somewhere or interacting with… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 12:42 PM on March 15, 2024

I live in Mérida. I can speak about Yucatán but all I know about Cancun (and all of Quintana Roo) is that it's a lot more expensive and they have hurricanes. Hurricanes hit the East Coast and turn North so there's none of that here.

While you'd be missing the hottest part of summer, the midday temperature rarely drops below 90°F other than in December and January. Fortunately the mornings and evening are more temperate, and most people just stick to indoors at the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 2:21 PM on March 12, 2024 marked best answer

Ohio, Michigan, and California and it was (as I remember it) always related to punch-drunk.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 12:09 PM on March 11, 2024

I might take a look but if there are less than 20 reviews I don’t place much stock in them. I’m looking for a consensus, not a bunch of anecdotes.

I’ve only left reviews when I’ve had truly exceptional service, and I usually ask the owner where they would like me to leave them and in some cases for thoughts on what to emphasize.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 9:48 PM on March 10, 2024

I might drop by the Louvre to see the Venus de Milo but that's about it. Probably not worth it.

The Musée d'Orsay is much better. The Impressionists are spectacular in person.

Musée Rodin is an absolute must. I once cancelled a flight from Vienna to London in favor of taking the train through Paris so I could a) get a gyro and fries in the Greek district and b) revisit the Musée Rodin.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 7:26 AM on March 8, 2024