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It sounds like you don’t want your boyfriend to have passionate feelings or to take pride in his knowledge/skills. Maybe think about why this is.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 7:15 AM on October 24, 2023

Yeah these pics are too blurry to say for sure but I live in NYC and have had a couple major roach infestations and that’s a young roach. I’m pretty much certain.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 4:57 AM on October 23, 2023

You haven't given any examples of what's actually been said or done by the other people, just said things like "I'm expected to", "I'm now realising that I'm supposed to", etc, so it's hard to tell if your perception is likely to be a fair interpretation of what's being said or shown to you.

Yes! I would really like to know what specifically prompted you to post this question now, because it really struck me that you didn’t even… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 4:52 AM on October 23, 2023

With something like baking - once you get a little experience doing it, you will really not experience the kind of catastrophic failure you’re imagining very often. It’s not that the task is inherently prone to random disaster, you just don’t know how to do it yet - just like you didn’t know how to read or walk the moment you were born. If you give yourself a little time with any task that requires learning, this will become a non-issue.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:22 AM on October 20, 2023

Sometimes I see people describe detachment in caretaking roles as a necessary evil or a tragedy or giving away part of your humanity to function, I don’t see it that way at all. If I get cancer I don’t want my oncologist crying her eyes out because I’m so young and it’s not fair, you know? That’s not just unhelpful, it’s actively detrimental.

Intense personal empathy is not the only way to provide care, or necessarily even a particularly helpful way.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:41 AM on October 14, 2023

The seasonal ice rink at Bryant Park allows wheelchairs on the ice, and it’s blocks away from where you’re staying. The Christmas market there is huge, and while it’s only partly accessible, they’ll send someone with a portable ramp to accompany you if you call ahead.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:26 AM on October 6, 2023

The cooking scene from Big Night. I’ve never actually even seen the movie, but a friend showed me this scene and I’ve never forgotten it, it’s wonderful.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:05 PM on September 12, 2023 marked best answer

Another thing this could be is costochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage around your sternum. It really hurts!
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 7:35 AM on September 9, 2023

I found a short term grief group after I lost my dad and it was ENORMOUSLY helpful to talk to people who were going through the same thing. Where else can you say stuff like “I resent my friends for having parents” and have everyone nodding along because they just get it? I really recommend a group, it was more helpful than therapy. (Just make sure it’s a therapist-facilitated group, I had a bad experience with a more informal one.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 3:36 PM on September 5, 2023

I’m obsessed with Invisible Cities, which is a series of lyrical descriptions of fantastical fictional cities (which are all sort of metaphorical descriptions of all cities), framed by a conversation between Marco Polo and Kublai Khan.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 11:36 AM on September 5, 2023 marked best answer

It would be good to explore why you still feel like an aggrieved party in this because, as mentioned, it had absolutely nothing to do with you.

People are allowed to react negatively when they see their friends treating their other friends poorly.

To be honest, based purely on the info presented in this question, M in particular sounds thoughtless and immature and it would absolutely affect my respect for her to watch this situation play out.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 4:37 AM on September 1, 2023

Also please be gentle, I know this is an extremely important and necessary skill in professional life

Well… is it, though? I mean, multiple people I’ve worked with have remarked on how little ego I have around feedback, I really do take criticism well, but you could not fucking pay me enough to sit down and watch a FOURTY MINUTE VIDEO of someone taking my work apart. That’s not a situation you should ever encounter in your work or personal or… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:15 AM on August 29, 2023

A couple years ago I was able to play this game on a pretty crap non-gaming laptop that was from probably 2015-2016. The same computer was totally incapable of running Skyrim, for comparison. Not ideal, there was some lag, but on a semi new gaming laptop you should be fine.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 11:39 AM on August 23, 2023

Do you actually, honestly think this man is capable of competently homeschooling a child? Like, do you REALLY?

Let her sleep for the rest of the summer and then send her to an actual school, instead of abandoning her to the care of a man who I wouldn’t trust to take care of a fish for three days.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 7:50 AM on August 16, 2023

I never would have thought that someone would consider "Would you mind closing the window?" a request with no option to say no, because to me it's the beginning of a negotiation.

Wow, no no no - I am much more on the directness side of the spectrum but what you have in quotes there is essentially an order to close the window.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 3:54 PM on August 13, 2023

I’ll also take any anecdotes that might help me put all this in perspective/help assuage some of my anxieties about never being able to form a connection with this dog.

You seem to be processing this dog’s behavior as “she’s shy and aloof” rather than “she’s been thrown into an utterly alien situation that she has no understanding of or context for.” She was feral! The fact that she’s become tolerant of leashes and will run to come look for you after… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:03 AM on August 12, 2023

I did one semester abroad in China, almost fifteen years ago. It’s still mentioned on my resume - because people still ask me about it in interviews and are impressed by it, just by the fact that I studied there at all. Even if your daughter never “uses” the degree in a direct sense, she is giving herself an experience that other people, in my experience, consider noteworthy and impressive. (That’s not why I went, but it’s certainly been a nice bonus.)

For what it’s… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:06 PM on August 5, 2023

So you used to go to bed at 1 and now you’re trying to go to bed at 10 or 11, but the wakeup time has only shifted an hour earlier? The problem might be just that it’s too extreme of a jump. Try going to bed at midnight for a while. (I’m exactly like you and really empathize.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:04 PM on August 1, 2023

I think it’s significant that, while you say you tend to overshare, you have actually really UNDERSHARED in this question - I mean, you have been deliberately vague as to the exact circumstances you’re asking about. To me this suggests that you do at least somewhat have the capacity to draw a line between “things that should be shared” and “things that should not be shared” but perhaps the WAY you are distinguishing them is the issue.

Can you tell us what your thought… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:27 AM on July 30, 2023

You say you knew what their staring meant. But you also say you have trouble reading cues. So what makes you feel so certain of what this person was thinking?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:33 AM on July 30, 2023

I think this might be along the lines of “don’t bring a magnet anywhere near a computer” - really important when I was/we were young, much less so now.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:43 AM on July 30, 2023

Oh I have ADHD and I totally do this - sometimes to an excessive degree and sometimes not. It’s great for quieting racing thoughts and allowing the rest of my brain to focus on what I’m doing. I think some of what you’re describing is completely healthy and fine - why NOT listen to audio while cleaning, or to fall asleep? Or even while running errands? - but when I find I’m becoming anxious about the very idea of NOT doing it, I try to just deliberately leave the earbuds at home the next time I… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:14 AM on July 25, 2023 marked best answer

I am horrible with faces and names. I have forgotten the names of people I was DATING. Can you give the people who make these mistakes a little grace? They’re not saying “hey I think you and that guy you utterly loathe are essentially the same person in every particular!” They are saying “I’m bad at recognizing faces.” This does not need to be some earth-shattering friendship-ending crisis.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:11 AM on July 23, 2023

Unfortunately google image search does NOT do that now, not even close. Nor does google shopping. I remember this site and it was incredibly useful, and was taken down because frankly it benefited individual consumers more than it did any single retailer. I haven’t ever found a replacement that compares.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:44 AM on July 16, 2023

But I also feel like I'm dodging a sort of responsibility to live my truth or whatever, or like I'm being a coward.

I think the recent trend in queer spaces, of being expected to rigorously interrogate and label so many aspects of one’s own personal queer identity, can be as harmful for some people as it is helpful for others. It can enforce a rigidity that, while outside of the binary, is just as prescriptive as the binary. The words and concepts we… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:53 AM on July 14, 2023

What you are describing are the reasons you - an adult with an adult brain and an adult’s experiences - would hate being a baby. Babies don’t have any of the mental processes that would enable them to think “boy, I sure wish I had agency and autonomy! I can’t wait til I can drive!” They are just eating sleeping learning machines, and I can say from experience that they are often SUPER happy, just, thrilled to be watching you make the same face over and over, or to taste fruit or see snow for the… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 3:12 PM on July 13, 2023

It seems to me that, if nonduality is true, then there is only this, now, and there is therefore only one reality, only one moment, only one self, and that's the entire universe.

I’m not following this logic. The mind and body aren’t separable, distinct entities, therefore no one else is real and there’s no past or future? Why?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 1:01 PM on July 10, 2023

The actual problem here is between M and one of the other two people you were hanging out with, I’d put money on it. (And frankly, if I’m right there’s a good chance it’s one-sided, but even if both of those people have seriously wronged her, her reaction was ridiculous and out of line.)

Does M have a prior history of over-the-top reactions to perceived social slights?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:12 AM on July 9, 2023

3 people they knew hung out within driving distance of them, didn't tell them, and posted about it in a way they knew would be seen. If they're already feelingly lonely or isolated, then yeah, that can seem hurtful. I would apologize again, concisely,

Apologize FOR WHAT? Look, I’ve felt left out before and it really hurt. I did not then demand an apology from the person I was jealous of, for the crime of having a nice time outside of my presence.… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 11:04 AM on July 9, 2023

…I say LGA all the time, I think most New Yorkers at least use LGA and LaGuardia interchangeably
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:02 AM on July 3, 2023

Totally safe - but this is what buckets are for! I am very barfy in general and trust me, buckets are your friend going forward.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 3:26 PM on June 30, 2023

I have never been a sports person really, but I’m casually interested and recently started subscribing to Defector, which is absolutely worth the money. It’s all very accessible to a new fan and they cover everything from competitive chess to the tour de France, and right now there’s a series profiling every single women’s world cup team in detail. They also cover sports-related labor rights stories. I really can’t recommend them highly enough.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 4:18 PM on June 28, 2023

Hey this man is a pathetic worthless piece of shit and deserves to be miserable and alone. You are clearly awesome and a year out from dumping his ass you will wonder why you didn’t do it years and years ago.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 11:45 AM on June 24, 2023

Defector has been covering this whole thing very closely, I’ve learned quite a bit even as an east coaster and baseball agnostic.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 3:54 PM on June 23, 2023 marked best answer

You should not value the good opinion of bad people more highly than your own sense of right and wrong.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:54 AM on June 18, 2023

I've also noticed that he's usually done this while Rumi's asleep or falling asleep, and when Rumi wakes, Rumi's kind of just...dazed. That he's not fighting or trying to escape troubles me

I suspect he’s not fighting or trying to escape because he doesn’t care. Cats aren’t humans and can’t be expected to have the same reactions and behaviors humans would have. I absolutely see how this is distressing for you, but I think you are… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 8:51 AM on June 18, 2023

I will try to rephrase this in a way that won’t court deletion: as a gay person, I am unsettled by the idea that I might visit a doctor who takes my self-description of my sexuality and presentation as something that makes me biologically distinct from other types of people. I would urge you not to mentally other queer people in this way, and instead consider what they might need from you as individuals. Your curiosity about this isn’t a problem, far from it in fact, but the use of the word… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 2:32 PM on June 17, 2023

I haaaate combat and loved Stardew Valley. It was my first game. My strategy was just to totally avoid the mines until I got a really good weapon via fishing, but you could play it for hundreds of hours without ever doing the combat or fishing if you wanted to.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:15 PM on June 13, 2023

We collected a bunch of photos of my dad from all periods of his life(maybe 40 or 50), printed them on photo paper, and arranged them chronologically on five pieces of poster board. It was really nice to see people standing around them in groups, talking about them.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:59 AM on June 4, 2023

Put all the therapy language aside for a sec. Do you want to be with this person or not?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:44 PM on June 1, 2023

As long as your FIRST photo accurately represents what you look like, I don’t think you need to get rid of all the other photos you like. But if you don’t change the first one - look, it’s not an issue of people not liking baldness so much as people not liking misrepresentation. It suggests a lack of self-confidence and a willingness to be duplicitous. Not saying you’re either of those things, but that’s what it will make people assume.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:56 AM on June 1, 2023

It could just be plain old sun exposure on plants not accustomed to it. The other ones you planted earlier that are doing better - do they get less sun? And/or did you plant them when the temperature was cooler and the angle of the sun was lower?

As for the “snipping” - I’ve observed birds like starlings doing this, in what seems like experimentation to see what the plant is. Sometimes they bring herbs to their nests to act as pest control, so my guess is they’re… [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:26 AM on May 28, 2023

Also - are you sure you haven’t UNDERwatered? Overwatering is much more of a concern in containers than in the ground. I know just as many if not more people who kill plants by underwatering out of fear of overwatering, than people who kill them by overwatering.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 9:29 AM on May 28, 2023

However, her husband works for a company that makes planes used in war.

I mean wow. Next time she tries it on with you, just say “oh hmm maybe some dye is bad for kids but at least it doesn’t kill as many kids as your husband’s planes!”

Now granted this is a terrible idea if you don’t want to permanently blow up the relationship (just like her husband’s planes blow up civilians!) but boy would I be tempted.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 1:43 AM on May 26, 2023 marked best answer

I had an old roommate like this. She was just a negative and self-centered person who really could not grasp that calling all my favorite local businesses bad and dumb was mean and insulting. Her own personal experiences and tastes were the only valid ones. I’m glad I don’t go through life filled with that much negativity, it sounds exhausting and unpleasant.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 10:25 AM on May 14, 2023

I mean, text-to-speech has gotten awfully good in the past few years. I know someone who’s written half a novel verbally. Worth a shot?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 7:55 AM on May 14, 2023 marked best answer

My pal that is a puddle not a pond! Any way you can expand it? Anything that tiny is gonna be far less able to weather changes of any sort.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 11:20 AM on May 13, 2023

First off - you know this has absolutely jack shit to do with a couple stains on the floor, right? They want more money so they’re kicking you out to rent to someone with more money, and they are telling you it’s because of (minor and easily fixable) damage because they’re assholes and cowards.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:12 AM on May 12, 2023

It’s clear you feel a massive amount of shame about the circumstances that led to the stains. You seem to think eviction is a “punishment” you “deserve” for warping a floorboard. Please stop thinking that because it isn’t true. Your landlord wasn’t doing you a favor by renting to you and you didn’t violate a sacred compact by warping a floorboard.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 6:10 AM on May 12, 2023

“Interior redesigner” is an actual thing! I know someone who specializes in it (not near you unfortunately). Googling that term and your location might get you somewhere.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by showbiz_liz at 5:38 PM on May 8, 2023